To The Randy Roberts' Anecdotes Page

If you have ever seen Pastor Thomsen on Television or in person, you will agree with me that he is definitely not overweight, but rather more likely underweight. Well, he started his sermon by telling us that Dr. Phil told him that he needed to loose a few pounds.

*********

A man once examined a list of 700 rules of behavior and discovered that the one hardest to follow was the one ordering the stoning of adulterers. He solved the problem by filling his pockets with some tiny peblestones and then confronted an adulterer. He proceeded to announce that he was ready to follow the Scripture and threw some of those pebblestones at this individual, then he told him that the sacred text now required that he do the same with him, and handed him the rest of the tiny peblestones he had in his pocket, arguing that the law required "en eye for an eye."

*********

At the end of a busy day in Jesus' life, the teacher ordered his disciple to get on the boat and cross the lake of Galilee, while he retired to a solitary spot to pray. When the disciples were in the middle of the lake, a fierce storn caught them by surprise, and they feared for their lives. As they struggled to keep their boat afloat, they noticed what seemed to be ghost walking towards them. Of course, it was Jesus walking on water. They were not thinking about their Master, but Jesus was thinking about them.

Peter wanted to be with his Jesus, and asked him to enable him to walk towards him. Jesus invited him to do so, but if Peter wanted to be with his Lord, he must take the first step and plant his feet on the liquid. He did so, and to the amazement of the rest of Jesus' disciples, he started to walk towards Jesus on the watery surface. Then Peter took his sight of Jesus, and began to sink; in desperation, he called for help, and Jesus stretched his hand and saved him from drowning. If we want to be with Jesus, we need to step out of the boat.

*********

One day John did not feel like going to church. His mother reminded him that it was getting late, and he better get ready, or else he would be late.

--"I don't feel like going to church today," he responded.

On a certain occasion Larry King was asked whether it was true that Jesus was born of a virgin, to which he responded: "If that is true, then all history would change for me." Well, this is exactly what the Gospel record claims.

*********

An old black preacher once remarked that if someone had asked Jesus how old he was when as a teenager his earthly parents found him in the Jewish Temple arguing with the Jewish teachers, he could have answered:

--"I am 12 years old on my mother's side, but on my Dad's side I am as old as God."

*********

When Joseph learned that Mary, his fiancee, was pregnant, he was caught between a rock and a hard place. No matter what he did, people would blame him for impregnating Mary. People knew of no other way Mary could have become pregnant, except the human way. Joseph could have denounced her as guilty of fornication, which Jewish law required stoning as punishment. He decided to drop her quietly, but an angel of the Lord intervened, and informed him that Mary's pregnancy was the result of the work of the Holy Spirit.

*********

Jesus entered humanity through a door which was hidden from human beings, a door with a sign on it which read: "No Entrance." After his death, he exited from the tomb through another door with a sign that read: "No Exit."

The third outrageous claim of Christians is that God did become a man and became our next door neighbor two thousand years ago, or "pitched his tent among us," as the Bible describes this.

*********

When God spoke to Moses in the desert, the bush burned without consuming itself by the fire. When he met Moses on Mount Sinai, there was thunder, lightning, and an earthquake. Nevertheless, when the Lord decided to pitch his tent among us, all we could see was a baby in a manger surrounded by dumb animals. This was anathema to the Greeks, who believed that flesh was evil, and not worth very much.

This is why Docetists were teaching that Jesus only appeared to be human, but did not become flesh and blood like the rest of us. Then came Arius, a renowned theologian who believed that Jesus was merely human, and not divine, which led Emperor Constantin to convene a religious council at Nicea where Jesus was delcared to be both human and divine.

*********

Not long ago, an experiment was done at the Metro Station. A violinist was hired to play for the those passing by. 1270 people walked by, but only a few stopped to listen to the most beautiful performance ever offered free to the public. The man played with incredible perfection some of the most difficult pieces of classical music on a Stradivarius worth a fortune. A few of those who stopped to listen dropped a few dollars inside a hat placed for said purpose.

Even those who were fans of the violinists failed to recognize his true identity. His name was Joshua Bell, one of the world most renowned violin players in history whose performances usually sold out at $ 100 dollars for the cheapest ticket in the house. This public performance at the Metro Station was free, but most of those passing by did not even bother to stop to listen and enjoy the act.

Among those who did stop to listen was a shoe shine man. Another individual that passed by did not even hear him play--he had ear plugs on and was listening to music from hell on his ipod. Many children wanted to stop and listen, but their parents pulled them away. They had not time to listen to free street music. The Washington Post recorded the experiment for the benefit of posterity.

[You can listen to this performance by clicking on the following Internet link: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/video/2007/04/09/VI2007040900536.html You can also read the full story by clicking on: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/04/AR2007040401721.html]

Likewise, God's offer of salvation through Jesus Christ, a mere Jewish peasant in appearance, was offered free, but only a few paid attention to the one who came to offer eternal life and happyness to them.

Predicting future events is a risky business. Here are some of the prediction that were made by experts in the past:

--"In the future the number of lawyers will decrease and their fees will diminish as well."

--"This man named Einstein will never amount to anything."

--"The Internet will collapse by 1996."

--"The Japanese will never produce anything worth buying."

*********

Old Testament prophets predicted the coming of the Jewish Messiah, but their predictions seemed to have merely a local application; nevertheless, looking in retrospect, they painted an accurate picture of Jesus Christ, the Lamb of God, whose earthly parents had to flee to Egypt in the middle of the night on order to escape the wrath of King Herod who was determined to kill the King of the Jews who was born in Bethlehem.

Then the prediction describing the lament of Rachel whose innocent children were slaughtered by Herod's soldiers was fulfilled in a dramatic demonstration of the merciless brutality of evil. Even the precise timing of Jesus life and death met a mathematical fulfillment as predicted by one of the Old Testament prophets.

This is why Jesus, after his resurrection, called two of his disciples' attention to these Messianic prophecies while walking with them toward the village of Emaus with the result that, when he disappeared from their midst, they said: "Didn't our heats burn as he opened the Scriptures for our on our way?"

"My dad was a missionary",said Pastor Roberts. "When I was a boy, our mission post was in the Dominic Republic with its pristine beaches. I remember how at school, when the local flag was raised, I did not feel like saluting the national emblem. I was not a citizen of that country, and was not entitled to a show of loyalty to a flag which represented a foreign country. My patriotic day was the 4th of July. When we were on furlough, I noticed that those who sacrificed the most for our country were those who stood most erect when the American flag was raised.

*********

On one occasion, while in Texas, my home state, there was an important footbal game, and I discovered that the majority of those present at the game would remain on their feet for the entire three hours long game. Does God expect from us less interest in the game of life?

*********

The celebration of Christmas claims our wallets and our credit cards. The Lord lays a similar claim on everything that is dear to us.

*********

A ninety-year-old grandma was too old to go Christmas shopping. Consequently, she decided to write a long list of checks and insert them inside Christmas cards with the following personal message: "Buy your own Christmas presents!" She mailed those Christmass cards, but sometime later, looking underneath a bunch of papers on her desk, she discovered she had forgotten to include the checks she had written inside the cards she had already mailed.

*********

 We sometimes wonder whether God intervenes in human affairs today. Steven Artburg relates the story of an agnostic psychiatrist who made a telephone call at a Christian center at 3:00 AM because there was a boy planning to commit suicide. At that moment, by a strange coincidence, there was an AAA meeting taking place, and a gentleman walked in  who announced to those present: "If there is anyone you know who is thinking about suicide, tell him: "Please don't! God loves you." This apeech came at the precise moment it was needed by the desperate boy.

*********

When Larry Craig was a lad, he read in the Bible Jesus' statement saying that if we believe, our request will be granted by heaven. He did believe, and he innocently asked the Lord to grant him the ability to fly like Superman. Of course, nothing happened, and no matter how hard he tried, he remained glued to terra firma. His childish faith was severely tested, and for 50 years he struggled with his faith.

*********

Mother Theresa personal Diary reveals that this woman who did so much for suffering humanity, and who manifested such great faith in providence, had experienced periods of serious doubts and great spiritual depression and despair. At times she even wondered whether God's existence and love were real. If a saint of such high caliber had moments of doubt, we shouldn't be surprised if we experience similar doubts sometimes. Even Jesus, at his darkest hour exclaimed: "God, why have you forsaken me?"

*********

Daniel Defoe wrote the story of Robinsosn Crusoe, who was shipwrecked on a deserted island, and how after building a shelter, and even a boat which turned out to be extremely heavy for him to pull towards the shore, one day discovered a set of human foot prints on the sand. This discovery changed everything for him. He wondered: Are these footprints those of a friend or a foe? Humanity faces the same experience when faced with the discovery that we are not alone in the universe.

*********

A well known Deist made the following confession one day. The belief system I have adopted forces me to reject the notion of a personal God who takes interest in what happens to human beings. Nevertheless, there is something about the Christian faith which I cannot explain: It is the cross!

*********

The story of Christmas is hard to understand. It tells us that a virgin was the mother of baby Jesus. A virgin? How so? Isn't this against natural law? This is a mystery I cannot understand or explain. I cannot explain either why a saint like Mother Theresa at times experienced moments of spiritual doubt and despair. I can't either explain why Jesus felt abandoned by heaven when hanging on the cross. Nevertheless, I can conquer doubt by remembering that the Son of God decided to trust his heavenly Father in the midst of agony and pain. I can remember that on Sunday morning the shout of victory over the grave was heard in Palestine with the following news: "Christ is risen."

A village man went to see the community wise man regarding a serious concern that was troubling him a lot: He had seven children, and his tiny village hut was rather crowded. The wise man told him to take the rooster inside his home, which he did. When the troubled man went to see the sage again, he was advised this time to take his cow inside as well. After his next two visits he was told to add two goats and two dogs to his tight quarters. On his last visit, the wise man instructed him to take all his animals out of his home, which he did, and the man complained no more!

*********

The wife of a certain man was rather slow in fixing breakfast for him. She would make too many trips to the regrigerator and to the kitchen. The unhappy man decided to put a stop to all this nonsense and waste of time. In no uncertain terms, he made it clear that this kind of behavior was unacceptable in his home. The result? What used to take his wife twenty minutes is now taking him what it seems forever.

*********

A hungry homeless man was standing in front of a business place begging for food. A shopper spotted the poor fellow, went inside, bought him a sandwich and a drink and offered it to him. The man took the handout and while gulping the food and drink observed: "What is this? A diet?

*********

Spurgeon, the celebrated evangelist, was walking with an agnostic man when they spotted a weather vane on top of a farm house with an inscription on it which read: "God is love!" The agnostic remarked:

--"Does that mean that God's love shifts like the wind?" To which the preacher replied:

--"No, sir. It means that God's love is present no matter which way the wind blows."

*********

"Sometime ago," said Pastor Roberts, "we got two labrador retrievers for our children, and these two dogs became incredibly inseparable. They would jump and play, chase each other, eat and sleep together, and they even destroyed our yard together. One day while we were away from home, we got a telephone call from a neighbor telling us that one of our dogs was out in our front yard. We rushed home and managed to locate him, but the other one was nowhere.

Then another telephone call came from the police with the news that our other labrador retriever had been killed by a motorist. We dug a hole in our backyard, and buried him there. The one that survived stood by that burial place for a long time mourning for his partner. This incident made us realize that God is like that, and even if were to die, he would go to the grave with us and eventually bring us back to life.

*********

A woman had recently returned from a tour with her husband, and decided to show some of the pictures she had taken to her co-workers at her office. Some of them remarked: "Wow! Your husband must have a very sophisticated photographic camera!" When she got back home, she complained to her husband:

--"I did show the pictures I took on our trip to my fellow workers, and all they had to say is that you must have an expensive camera. None of them gave any credit to me for them. This doesn't make sense to me. When you admire a beautiful painting, you don't say: "The author must have used expensive brushes!"

*********

A man in Easter Europe where Easter is celebrated in a very special way, lost his voice, but he was still able to scrible on a tablet and thus communicate with his family and his friends. On Easter morning, when everybody was greeting their friends with "Christ is risen," he wrote the following: "I wish I could still talk! If I did, I would shout, "The Lord is risen!"

*********

Saint Paul told us that we need to give thanks in everything. How can we be thankful when things go bad, or when misfortune makes our life miserable? How did notable Christians react to loss and misfortune? 

On one occasion Matthew Henry, the remarkable Christian scholar and Bible commentator, was robbed. His reaction was one of gratitude:

--"I am grateful," he explained, "that I was the one robbed and not the one who robbed." I am also grateful that I did not have much to be robbed off, and I am glad that I have never been robbed before."

*********

--"When I was a kid," related Pastor Ponder, "I remember that we had the tendency to complain about certain items of food on our diet. Sometimes my mother would stand by my side until the last bit of green beans was taken of the plate and swallowed. My dad would say: 'You don't have to like it. You need only to eat it!' One day we were looking at the painting of the Last Supper, and dad asked: 'What do you think Jesus is saying to his disciples?' I answered: "I think he is saying to them: 'You don't have to like it. You need only to eat it!'"

*********

The Bible tells us that one day the Apostle Paul and his companion were arrested and placed in jail. The action was unfair and the treatment inhumane. They could have lamented their misfortune. They started singing himns of praise and thanksgiving instead. They had ample reasons to be grateful and were able to rejoice in the Lord even when their hands and feet were immobilized. Their mind and tongues were free, and they used them to glorify their Maker.

*********

Recently when our California fires destroyed 2,000 homes, many of those who had lost their homes met in church to give thanks because they had survived those fires with their lives. Out of the ashes, some of them found bit and pieces of their past which somehow survived the burning inferno. A woman found a clock she had received as a gift that bore the inscription: "The best is yet to come!" Another found an irreplaceable photograph and felt grateful for such a find.

*********

A pastor described his memory of his childhood this way: "I came from a large family. At the end of the day, when we were seated around the table for the evening meal, my dad would ask: 'Are all the children in?' If one was missing, we had to get a plate, fill it with food, and wait for the latecomer to come before we could start eating.

A woman instructed her lawyer to include the following directive in her testament: "No male pall bearers when I die." When asked why she had such a strange limitation in said document, she explained:

--"If no male volunteered to carry me over the threshhold, then no male should carry me when I am dead."

*********

Pastor Roberts read a portion of the lost chapter of the book of Genesis. It describes the conversation that took place between God and Adam prior to the creation of Eve. Adam was feeling rather lonely after he had finished naming all the animals, and felt he had nobody he could relate to on a human level. The Lord made the following proposition to him:

--"I will create a lovely creature that will be your companion. She will always be submisive to you, she will follow your orders, and make you extremely happy for evermore. She will cook your meanls, do your washing and cleaning, take care of the kids, and never complain."

--"How much will such an amazing creature cost me?" asked Adam.

--"An arm and a leg," answered God.

--"What can I get for a rib?" inquired Adam.

Welll, the rest is history.

*********

Those who are single for any reason should not forget that there is a long list of single individuals whose life turned out to be a great blessing for humanity. Among them are people like, John Scott, a renowned scholar; Susan B. anthony, a champion of women's rights; Florence Nightingale, the first nurse in modern history; Paul, the great Apostle; and of course, Jesus Christ, the Son of God and our blessed Saviour.

*********

There is no word in the Hebrew language for "bachelor." For an Israelite of Old Testament times, dying without children was a disgrace, and foregoing the pleasure of parenthood was considered one of the greatest sacrifices a human being coul perform for humanity. For Christians singleness was an evidence of their uncompromising faith in the bodily resurrection to take place at the second coming of Jesus to this earth.

*********

On a Caribean cruise a man spotted a beautiful woman smiling at him. Intrigued, he started chatting with her. Suddenly, the lady made the following comment:

-"You remind me of my third husband!"

-"Third husband?" the man asked, "How many times have you been married?

-"Two times," the woman responded.

*********

-"Dear Abby," wrote a female. "I'd like to find a man without problems."

-"I'd like to find one too!" responded the famous writer.

*********

In his sermon, a preacher related how a young woman had placed a pair of man's trousers in front of her, knelt down, and uttered the following prayer:

-"Dear God. Here is a pair of pants. Please fill them with the right man for me."

That night, a mother noticed her young son praying a similar prayer, but he had abikini in front of him while praying.

*********

"The Bible tells us that in Old Testament times," said Pastor Roberts, "parents were the ones who chose the marriage partners for their children. We have two children, and we were thinking with my wife that this would be a good idea to put into practice when they get old enough to marry. Of course, they may disagree!"

*********

Mark Twain once gave the following advice to those seeking a life partner:

-"Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half closed after the wedding."

*********

If you are not sure whether you are on solid ground before marriage, remember that when skating your safety is based on speed. The sooner you end the relationship, the better.

A survey of public opinion revealed that only two percent of people think that the church's influence on sexual behavior is significant. Is this due to the church's silence on this issue?

*********

A just-married couple decided to spend their honeymoon in a quiet spot in Winsconsin. They arrived at their destination at 2:00 A.M. The bridegroom suggested that the bride freshen up while he would take care of making their first night together as romantic as possible. He lighted several smoky candles, and his brand-new wife got a steamy shower that woke up all the residents at the hotel. On smelling the smoke emanating from the candles, everybody thought that the hotel was on fire and they rushed out of their rooms in alarm. The newly-wed man tried to pacify them with the following explanation:

-"It's O.K.! It's our honemoon. Don't be alarmed, I am a pastor!

*********

-"When I chose the family series of sermons," explained Pastor Roberts, "I thought that talking about sex would be easy. I soon discovered that it is much easier to talk about this subject to college-age students than to a church audience which includes young children."

-"When I was young," added Pastor Roberts, "one of my dad's church members said to him: 'You should never have talked about sex in church.' The problem is that the Bible does talk about sex quite a bit. How can I be silent about what the Bible considers as an important subject?" 

*********

When Jesus was confronted with the presence of the adulterous woman whom the church leaders of his time wanted to get her stoned, he told her:

-"Neither do I condemn thee. Go and sin no more!"

Abstinence might be difficult to practice, and temptation might be strong, but Jesus never commands something that we are unable to carry out. His commands come with the power to carry out what he requires. His orders come with the moral strength to obey.

*********

The Samaritan woman was not condemened for having had five husbands in the past. She was offered instead the living water for her thirsty soul.

*********

-"Where do babies come from?" asked a little boy. After the parents told him everything about the bird and bees and the sycamore trees, the boy asked again:

-"Does God know all this?"

*********

The minister assured the couple that sex was an integral part of holy spiritual activities. When the couple got home, the husband suggested to his wife:

-"Let's get some holy activity, shall we?"

*********

There are certain free rock climbing experiences that are scary and life threatening. This is also true about sexual acts that are forbidden in the Bible.

*********

The mother of a young boy was worried that at his age the boy still engaged in the habit of sucking his thumb. When everything she tried to make him stop such behavior had failed, she finally issued the following warning:

-'If you keep sucking your thumb, your belly will eventually swell!"

One day while shopping the boy spotted a pregnant woman and blurted:

-"I know what you have been doing!"

*********

A happily married couple were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, and someone asked them to share with them the secret of their happiness. This is how they explained:

-"When we got married, we had no money to spend our honeymoon in Hawaii. So we determined to put a dollar aside everytime we made love. We now have enough money for a Hawaii vacation celebrating our special 50th wedding anniversary."

Following their return from hawaii, they were asked about their experience. This is what they answered:

-"We had a great time, and we have started a new saving accout for our next vacation. We have already a number of one dollar bills saved for our next trip."

Someone expressed the difficult taks of raising children with the following observation:

-"Today children tiranize their parents."

We would likely agree that this adecuately describes the situation of society today. Well, the name of the person who wrote this is Socrates, who lived two millenia ago.

*********

Recently there was a story about a couple who set up a tent on their front lawn, placed two matresses inside, and a sign on the tent which read: "Parents on strike," thus leaving the children inside the house to fend for themselves. They were hoping to impress their children with the fact that there was an urgent need for a drastic change in their attitude towards house chores an general behavior. When the strike was over, everything went back to normal, with the parents doing most of the work around the house, and the children going back to their former misbehavior.

*********

It is said that President Roosvelt once stated: "I can either be president of the country, or else succeed in controlling my daughter, but I can't do both."

Another parent observed: "How can you sleep during those teen years?"

And Pastor Roberts made the following personal observation: "I used to be an expert in parenting, until the day I became a parent myself."

*********

The author of Proverbs affirmed: "Train a child the way he should go, and when he is old he will not go astray." Someone else said: "Train your children to be responsible, and when they grow up, you will still be paying their bills."

Another person observed: "Train your children to be independent, and when they get old they will move back in with you."

Most children have a hard time understanding that the word "No!" is a complete sentence.

*********

"My parents were misionaries," related the pastor, "and when they were back home for a three months furlough, they would build a house, and sell it before going back to the mission field. This meant that instead of going swimming, I had to help with the building. This is how I learned responsibility from my parents."

*********

One person related the following personal experience: "My mother's 'No' saved my life. She stood firm when my friend invited me to go out and play. My mother stood firm in spite of my pleading, my yells, my threats, and my curses. This saved my life from disaster."

There is a sign inside many fitness centers which reads: "No pain. No gain." Character is built the same way.

In modern schools, pshychologists and politicians managed to convince educators that certain activities should be banned, including tag, musical chairs, and so on because they might hurt the feeling and the self esteem of children who may not be the winners.

*********

If your children do not turn out the way you dreamed, do not feel bad. Remember that God's children, Adam and Eve, did not make exactly the right choices either.

When the police officer inspected the car crash that had totalled the vehicle, noticing that the child was safe in his car seat, he told his dad:

-"If you had not placed your child in his car seat, he might have been killed." 

-"It's a matter of habit," responded the father. "I always do that!"

"Religion is a matter of habit as well," commented Pastor Roberts. "Ninety eight percent of evangelicals agree that family worship is important, but surveys show that only four percent of Christians practice this religious habit."

*********

Once upon a time, the pastor of one very traditional church decided to move the pulpit to one side. Some church members stopped coming , vowing never to return unless the pulpit was moved back to its original position. Habit have a way of controlling our lives.

*********

Abraham, Jacob, and otther patriarchs had the habit of building an altar whenever their pilgrimate took them. They took their family worship habit with them.

*********

Early in their marriage, Pastor Roberts had once a minor disagreement with his wife. He can't remember what it was. Perhaps his wife wanted to go somwhere, and he disagreed. When he confided this event with another church member, he got this suggestion:

-"Perhaps the Lord wanted you to have a true devotional experience with your wife!"

Family worship is not merely reading the Bible and praying together on a regular basis, but rather a lifestyle that encompasses everything you do during the day.

A couple were divorcing, and they discovered they were in agreement on the following: "This is my house and I am not moving out!"

*********

Vladimir's wife was rather loud whenever they disagreed on something. He solved the problem after buyer a siren, which was the only way to make his wife turn her volume down.

*********

Here is the reaction of a man after shooting at his wife:

-"I'm sorry I shot at you, baby!"

*********

As this couple were driving by a farm, they noticed a donkey by the road.

-"A relative of yours?" asked the husband.

-"Yes," the wife replied, "by marriage."

*********

A businessman asked his wife to wake him up in the morning at 5:00 AM so that he would not miss his airplane flight. He woke up at 7:30 and found a handwritten note by his bedside which read:

-"Wake up, honey, it's 5:00 o'clock!"

*********

Ted and Wendy were in the habit of arguing about almost every little detail. Here is a sample of such silly arguments:

Ted: "You left the toothpaste cap off again, dear!"

Wendy: "Why are you so compulsive?"

Ted: "O.K., I am compulsive. Perhaps it would be better if I just pack my stuff and leave!"

Wendy: "The door is open, my dear!"

*********

A couple who lived in a certain village, realizing that there was no way of living in peace, decided to visit the village wise man. The woman told her story to the wise man and his opinion was:

-"You are right. It's all your husband's fault! Tell your husband to come in."

After the woman's husband related his side of the problem, the wise man gave his verdict:

-"You are right. It's all your wife's fault!

At this, the wise man's wife, who had listened to what had taken place, complained:

-"Honey, they can't both be right!"

To which the wise man concluded:

_" Honey, you are right as well!"

*********

After taking care of a patient, the emergency room physician said to the patient's wife who was in the waiting room:

--"I don't like the looks of your husband." To which the woman replied.

--"I don't either. I never did!"

*********

A woman who had been married for some time confided with the marriage couselor:

--"We were happy for twenty years--until the day we met."

*********

A business man was seated next to a young man, and decided to start a conversation by asking him a question:

--"Business of pleasure?"

--"Pleasure," the young man answered.

--"What kind," the older man insisted.

--"Honeymoon," his fellow traveller responded.

--"Where is your wife," inquired the puzzled older man.

--"She's back there somewhere. This was the best the clerck could do for us," the young man responded.

--"I'll be happy to switch seats with her so you two can be together," the old man offered.

--"Please, don't!" the young man responded. We'll get to talk all--week--long.

*********

Someone made the following statement about family life:

--"Happyness is having a large family--in another city."

*********

In chapter one of Genesis there is a phrase that is repeated again and again: "It was good." Then at the end of the same chapter, the sacred record says: "It was very good." In chapter 2 of the same book, God says: "It is not good ... ." Then in chapter 3 the record states that things got really bad after the fall. The experience of some marriages follow that order.

*********

Maria Brunner was working all day to support her family, while her husband stayed at home and watched TV because he could  not find suitable employment. When Maria got home from work at the end of every day, there was cleaning, washing, and fixing dinner for everybody. The house was a mess, because there was not enough time for her to take care of everything that needed to be done. One day Maria got a bill for unpaid parking tickets--Her husband had failed to notify her about all those tickets. She went to court and told the judge that she had no money to pay the accumulated $5,000 parking tickets bill.

--"Then you will have to go to jail," the judge responded.

--"Will I be able to take a shower and have food in jail?" inquired the woman.

--"Of course," responded the judge.

--"Then take me there, please, your honor," pleaded Maria. And she was all smiles as she was escorted to the jail house.

There is the story of a man who wanted to impress his wife and arranged for a brand new Lexus Automobile delivered to their home wrapped up with transparent plastic paper and a huge bow on top. When his wife saw the expensive gift, she exclaimed:

--"Honey, where did you get such a huge bow?"

*********

A Rabbi was preparing everything for the worship service with the help of an assitant. He explained that they needed to pay attention to every detail with the hope that the Lord might manifest his presence among them, but without any assurance that said presence would be felt in a dramatic way. He added that God's presence is more likely to be manifested in a visible manner as an accident instead of on a regular basis, to which his student assitantat asked:

--"Why then all the trouble for such elaborate preparations?" The Rabbi responded:

--"We want to be as accident prone as possible!"

*********

Once upon a time there were two students at a university. One of them was very bright and intelligent, while the other one had to struggle to get a passing grade. They met many years after graduation. The  one who had to work so hard to secure a passing grade was rich and famous. His once bright friend asked him how he managed to do so well financially, to which he responded:

--"It was not easy at first, so I grabbed my Bible and read the word 'oil,' and I invested in oil; then I opened my Bible and saw the word 'gold,' and I invested in gold."

His friend who was on the verge of bankruptcy decided to try this trick. He picked his dusty copy of the Good Book, and read the words: 'Chapter 13.'"

*********

On July 21, 2007, Pastor Randy Roberts' pulpit was occupied by Family Ministries Pastor Calvin Thomsen at the Loma Linda University Church. He described the way God deals with people. Here are some of the anecdotes and ideas he presented to illustrate his topic.

*********
God designed human beings with personal freedom in mind. This is amply illustrated in many ways human beings behave. For example, if you want to make sure a child will take his medicine is to drop the pill on the floor and then give the following order:

--"Don't you dare touch that pill!"

*********
When the Prodigal Son described by Jesus asked for his share of the paternal inheritance while his father was still alive, he was in fact saying to him:

--"I wish you were dead. Let's pretend you actually have died. I want my share of what belongs to you. There is no point in waiting until you are dead. It may take too long for this to happen!"

The father had the power to control the evil schemes of his wayward son. Had he refused to grant his son's request, the members of his village would have supported him in his refusal to honor such a despicable request. They did not want other kids to assume that they had the right to collect their future inheritance in advance of their parents demise.

God is like that. He takes no pleasure in forced allegiance to him.

*********
"When I was young," said Pastor Thomsen, "there was an evangelist who assured us that we could select any promise found in the Bible and claim it believing that God would grant it, since he was obligated to honor what he promised.

I believed that. I found a promise in the Bible that said: "He will give you the desire of your heart." Well, there was a girl I liked, and I submitted my claim to God on the basis of said biblical promise. To my disappointment, I discovered that, though I was in love with her, she was not in love with me. I am not surprised at her response, since at that time I was even thinner than I am today. No wonder my friends teased me and would state that when I took a shower, I had to wear my skis to prevent from being flushed out through the drain pipes."

*********
"Sometime ago," related Elder Thomsen, "I was pastoring a small church, and a dear sister came to me asking that I do something about her husband who, according to her, had never accepted Jesus as his Savior. I visited with them, and on one occasion, while the wife went to her kitchen to fetch some drinks, the man whispered in my ear:

'Pastor Thomsen, I did accept Jesus as my Savior, and I believe the truths the church teaches, but please, don't tell this to my wife!'"

*********
There was a man who survived a terrible ordeal at a prisoners' camp. Someone asked him how he managed to do this, considering the fact that most of the other prisoners had died while subjected to torture and neglect. This was his answer:

--"The optimists didn't make it because they were sure that they would be liberated first by Christmass, then by Easter, and so on. This frustration kept building up and eventually became so great, that they finally gave up to desperation and death. I trusted that God's will would be done, regardless of the circumstances, and it helped me in my hold on life."

*********
"The most difficult experience in my life," said the pastor, "was when we took our son and left him in a Hollywood apartment because he had decided to enroll in a musical training career. I had no assurance of what would happen. Likewise, the father of the prodigal son had no assurance that his son would ever come back home. He took the risk without the assurance that his wishes would be granted, realizing that a forced obedience was not the best for his son."

On July 7, 2007, Pastor Randy Roberts gave a short homily prior to the celebration of the feet washing and the Holy Supper at the Loma Linda University Church. I want to share with the readers of this forum one anecdote he used on said Sabbath morning.

*********
The renowned Baptist preacher Tony Campolo related on one occasion how the minister presiding at the celebration of the Holy Supper in remembrance of Jesus' last meal prior to his suffering and crucifixion read a Scripture passage stating that Christian need to be careful about "eating the holy bread unworthily."

There was a young girl in the congregation who was crying and would refuse to accept the communion bread. On noticing this, a foreign-born member of the church addressed the girl in his broken English as follows:

--"Take and eat. It was meant for you!"

This encouraging words produced an immediate reaction from the girl. She stopped crying, took the communion bread, and happily ate it.

*********
This anecdote used by Pastor Roberts to illustrate the blessings of partaking of the Holy Communion reminds me of an incident in the life of my dad a few days before he died.

He was in the hospital, and his attending phisician had made it very clear to us that his health was failing at a rapid pace and that science had no recourse to keep him alive any longer. His pastor consulted with us about the idea of anointing him with oil, as prescribed in the Bible. We thought that this might hasten his demise. Besides, we wondered what a few drops of oil might do for him! Nevetheless, we decided to ask him, and he responded in the affirmative.

The next morning I went to visit him and found him very alert and in an unusually cheerful spirit. My visit did not last very long, but I will never forget one thing. He kept repeating the following:

--"I don't deserve this! I don't deserve this! I don't deserve this!

Evidently those few drops of oil had done something special for him. A few days later he died.

On June 9, 2007, Jon Paulien, dean of the Loma Linda University School of Religion, occupied Pastor Randy Roberts pulpit at the Loma Linda University Church. Here are some of the anecdotes and thoughts he used to illustrato his topic.

*********
Human life is gragile. One day Morrey was backing out of the garage when he realized that he could not muster enough strength to press on the break pedal. Somehow he manage to stop the car before reaching the road pavement. He realized that this meant no more driving for him and that one day he must die. He had been hit with the Lou Gerig disease.

*********
Everybody knows that he/she must die one day, but few believe this to be an unavoidable reality.

*********
Ted Copple, the well-known TV personality, had no time to reflect on life until one day a strike left him temporarily without a paycheck. He decided to call his old professor, and for fourteen weeks he would fly to have lunch with Morris, who was dying of an incurable disease. This experience led him to write "Tuesdays with Morrey." In it he shared some of the lessons he learned from his former teacher:

--Lesson one: Do not feel embarrased if you need help, even if this means that someone has to wipe your behind. This is your chance to be a baby again.

--If you see an old man crying, that is OK. Tears and feelings are no problem. It means that the man is still alive.

--Every day is a gift from above. There is no need to fear the future.

--Happynes is being able to drink a Coke or wearing your favorite style of shoes.

*********
"Fame and money do not guarantee happyness," stated Paulien. "Look a Paris Hilton. She has plenty of that, but right now is very unhappy."

"Do not rely on culture or status. If you are poor, others will despise you, and if you are rich, they will envy you.

*********
"One day," said Jon Paulien, "I was on the verge of drowning, and after being rescued, I felt it was the happiest day of my life."

*********
Before dying, Morrey decided to stage his own funeral while he could still enjoy the experience.

*********
Ted Copple learned from his former teacher that real independence is mere illusion.

*********
He also learned from Morrey that there is a need to forgive others, and also to forgive oneself. Forgiveness is costly, but resentment costs more.

*********
Morrey died surrounded by his loved ones, but many die abandoned and forgotten by his friends and relatives.

*********
There is one thing Morrey forgot to tell his former student: Your friends and relatives may abandon and divorce you, but Jesus is a friend you can really trust. He will never forget, abandon, nor divorce you, and he lives forevermore, alway ready to come to your side whenever you need him.

*********
You do not need to wait until you are ready to die in order to learn how to live.

On Juned 2, 2007, Randy Roberts, senior pastor of the Loma Linda University Church, preached his last sermon dealing with the life of Joseph. Here are some of the anecdotes he used to illustrate his topic:

*********
George Burns, the celebrated Hollywood actor, once commented:

-"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, and to have both ends as close to each other as possible."

*********
When the computer was first invented, an expert predicted that the market for such a device would be limited to perhaps four or five sales. And when the telephone was discovered, another market analyst stated that the device was in fact worthless for communication.

*********
A sports writer once stated that Mike Tyson's propensity for holding a grudge was based on the fact that he didn't have his parents to hold him in line.

*********
When Jacob, Joseph's father, died, Joseph's brothers came to see him, they prostrated in his presence and asked him to have mercy on them, fearing that Joseph would think of avenging himself for the ill treatment he received from them when they sold him as a slave. Joseph, second in command in the land of Egypt, could have opted to settle accounts with his brothers who had treated him without mercy when he was a young lad. He assured them that he had no such desire with the following explanation:

-"You planned evil, but God planned good for me and you, in order to preserve the life of many."

*********
Once upon a time, a fisherman in Scotland was at the mansion of a rich individual and in his attempt at describing how big a fish he had caught, he inadvertedly hit a cup of tea in the hands of a servant. The liquid spashed on the wall, and the owner was thinking that he would have to repaint the room. An artist was present at that meeting, and he decided to save the day by painting a masterful work of art on that wall, thus converting the blot into a beautiful painting. This is exactly what the Lord did with the life of Joseph after he was sold as a slave by his brothers.

*********
On one occasion, many decades ago, the cotton crop failed, and farmers were desperate not knowing what to do. One man advised them to plant peanuts instead. Well, some of them thought that a peanut crop was worth peanuts. Others followed the advice, and with the first crop of peanuts they managed to recover what they had lost with the failed cotton harvest.

May 26, 2007 was graduation day at the Loma Linda University Church. Pastor Randy Roberts was preaching at the Walla Walla College Church, and Karl Haffner, senior pastor of the College Church at Walla Walla College delivered the message to the School of Medicine graduates at the Loma Linda University Church. Here are some of the many anecdotes he used to illustrate his topic:

*********
A group of prisoners in a country governed by a dictatorial regime were assigned the task of digging holes in the ground only to fill them afterwards. It was a purposeless task, which after a while began to affect their sanity. Contrast this useless task with the one performed by men hired to dig wells for thirsty people in third world countries. The type of work a person performs will no doubt have a strong influence on the individuals frame of mind and his/her psychological well being.

*********
After referring to Martin Luther King as an example of an individual who lived and died with a clear purpose in life, Pastor Haffner told the graduates:

--"Dear graduates, don't just move dirt with no purpose in mind. Live for a worthy cause. Serve humanity with a clear mission in mind."

*********
It has been stated that some of the greatest fears people experience are speaking in public and the fear of dying. Old Testament Nehemiah did experience both. He was the cupbearer for King Artaxerxes of Persia. He was responsible for protecting the king from poisoning, and any misstep could cost him his life. He held the highest position of trust in the Persian kingdom, and any day he was alive was a good day for him.

He learned that the remnant Jews who had returned to Jerusalem after the exile were in dire distress. This saddened him a great deal, and a sad countenance in the presence of the great king was not a good omen. He dreaded the thought of having to approach the king with a special request for his people, but he felt it was his religious and moral duty to do this in spite of his fears. He did speak to the king and his request was granted: He was appointed as governor of the returned Jewish exiles in Jerusalem.

Once in Jerusalem, his enemies tried by all means to distract him from his assignment, and when eveything failed, they warned him that his life was in danger, and invited him to come and meet with them in order to secure his safety; when in fact they were planning to kill him and thus stop the rebuilding of the city walls. Each time, Nehemiah refused to listen to those threats, and responded with the following message:

--"I am doing a great work and cannot come down!"

Nehemiah lived with a clear purpose in life, and had no fear for his life. His life was in God's hands. He set a goal for his mission on earth and did not depart from it in spite of opposition, derision, and threats.

*********
One Saturday evening a couple of freshmen wanted to eat some donuts, but had no money to spare. They went to a local donut shop and asked for a dozen of free appetizing donuts. Their request was granted. Encouraged by this remarkable success, the following week they went to a pizza place and succeeded in getting free pizzas. One week later they went for free flowers for their girlfriends with the same result. Feeling that their luck would never end, they decided to try for a couple of free motorbykes. The dealer called the police and they were arrested.

After telling this story, Pastor Haffner gave the graduates the following word of wisdom:

--"The big things in life are not free. You have to work for them! Nehemiah succeeded in altering the course of history, and so can you. Go for it!"

Pastor Randy Robert's sermon on May 19 at the Loma Linda University Seventh-day Adventist Church dealt with the elaborate Old Testament funeral of Jacob, Joseph's father. I want to share with you the following anecdotes I gleaned from his preaching:

*********
A pastor introduced his sermon about the inevitability of death this way:

--"My fellow travellers to the tomb."

Then he admonished them:

--"Before you die, make sure you remember your pastor in your will!"

*********
Another pastor who was scheduled to preside at two funeral services decided to use the same message for both occasions. After the first funeral, he sat at his computer, brought up the stored speech he had prepares for Mary and instructed the computer software to replace the name Mary with Edna, the name of the other church member who had also passed away. When delivering his funeral message, the congregation members were surprised to hear him say at one point:

--"When Jesus was born of Virgin Edna ..."

*********
There is an old anecdote about a merchant in Baghdad who sent his servant to the market. The man met Death there and returned home in alarm with the following surprise explanation to his master:

--I must hasten to Samarra immediately, since I met Death at the market place, and I am not ready to die yet.

The merchant decided to go to the market place himself, and having also met Death, asked him:

--"Why did you scare my good servant this morning?

--"I didn't," responded Death. Actually I have an appointment with him at Samarra this evening!"

This time I want to share with you a couple of anecdotes I picked on May 12 at the Loma Linda University Church. One of them is from Jackie bishop, the children's minister, and the other one from Randy Roberts, the LLUCH senor pastor:

*********
A little girl was impressed with how much her mom knew. She could answer almost any question she asked her, so one day she decided to ask:

--"How come you know so much, mom?"

--"Life is like a school," her mother replies. "You pay attention and you learn."

--"I know," the girl suddenly exclaimed, "you take a test, and if you pass you get to be a mom, but if you don't, you become a dad."

*********
Tony Campolo, the well known pastor evangelist related the following observation: When a kid leaves for school, his Italian dad asks:

--"Have you got your lunch?"

But his Jewish dad, asks instead:

--"Have you got your books?"

This is why Italians get fat, while Jews get smart.

On April 28, Pastor Doug Mace occupied Pastor Randy Robert's pulpit at the Loma Linda University Church. He talked about keeping promises, and here are some of the statements he made and the anecdotes he used to illustrate his topic:

*********
"The best way to keep promises is not to make them." Napoleon.

*********
"The people most eager to make promises are politicians and those who have fallen in love."

*********
"I have made promises," said the pastor, "to exercise more. I have gotten to the point that I no longer believe in what I promise."

*********
"When we were married," stated Pastor Mace, "I promised to my sweetheart that every day of our life would a romance. Well, my wife may wonder whether I have kept my promise that well!"

*********
After three and a half years of his life on earth with his disciples, Jesus told them he was about to go to a place they could not follow him yet. Nevertheless, he promised to come back to take them to the home he would prepare for them.

The question is: Does Jesus keep his promises the way we humans do?

*********
When Jesus' disciples were accused of breaking the Sabbath, the Master defended them. Was he going to abamndon them now? They could barely get along between themselves in his presence. What would happen then when he was no longer with them?

*********
In answer to the disciples' aprehension and fear, Jesus told them that he would send them his Comforter--the constant presence of his Holy Spirit. He would stil abide with them and sustain them through this Holy Power of God.

*********
Does Jesus keep his promises? When Martha was weeping following his brother's death, Jesus said to her:

--"Your brother will live. Do you believe this?"

Did Jesus keep this promise to Martha? Of course he did! Moments later, in response to the Master's call, Lazarus came out of the tomb and was restored to full health after having been buried for four days. This is the guarantee that Jesus can and does keep his promises.

*********
An ABC survey revealed that 90 percent of Americans do believe in heaven. Nevertheless, only 12 percent of them do believe that heaven will be a physical place. To those that do not believe in a real, tangible heaven, I would say:

--"Fine, if you prefer to believe in an ethereal, spiritual place, that is your right; but don't ruin it for the rest os us!

*********
Heaven may not be reasonable, and God's Grace is not reasonable either; but it is an undeniable reality that has been experienced by millions of God's children for the space of two millenia.

On April 21 Pastor Rob Mohr occupied Randy Roberts' pulpit at the Loma Linda University Church. He illustrated his sermon with some anecdotes. Here are some of them:

*********
"When I first felt my call to the ministry" said Pastor Mohr, "I thought this was the greatest deal on earth: Imagine, you are called and paid for getting ready for heaven. You can't beat this!"

*********
"On my first attempt at grilling some vegetarian linkets," related the pastor, "I learned a valid lesson. The coals must stick together for a good fire. Church community is built on the same principle."

*********
When Jesus started his earthly mission, his first task was to build a community of believers; nevertheless, after three and a half years of hard effort, he still had a rather divided community, some of whose members were vying for the first place of honor among them. At the end of said period, he still felt the need to tell them that they needed to love each other.

It was no easy task. He had Simon the Zealot, a freedom fighter--today we call them terrorists; Mathhew, the tax collector--a collaborator with the hated Romans; the spoiled and rich John and James, whose mother asked for them the first place in God's kingdom; and talkative Simon Peter, who thought very generously about his own loyalty towards the Master.

*********
A preacher's kid was seen throwing rocks at a rat until the poor animal expired. When confronted with what he had done by his dad, he explained what had transpired this way:

--"The Lord called the poor creature home."

*********
A young girl born with a cleft palate, when asked by her teacher what had happened, she answered:

--"I fell down and cut myself with a piece of glass."

She had been rejected by the rest of the kids so many times, that she didn't want the teacher to learn the truth that she had been born with a handycap. The wise and loving teacher responded:

--"I wish you were my little girl."

These few words of love changed this girl's entire future. This is what Jesus did for his followers when he told them to love each other the way he had loved them a few hours before crucifixion. There is no more effective way of proving that we love others than giving our life for them. This is what the Lord did for his followers.

On April 7, 2007, Pastor Randy Roberts preached a sermon entitled "Two Gardens: A Broken Tomb." Here are some of the anecdotes he used to illustrate his topic at the Loma Linda University SDA Church:

*********
At the time of the Revolutionary War, the house of Wilmer McClean was destroyed by the Confederate Army. He moved to another house, which was soon looted. Think about being the target of misfortune!

*********
Over half a century ago, a man in Europe who was sure that another war was coming, decided to get out to a safe and peaceful place. He relocated to a small island called Guadalcanal.

*********
A woman who had lost a loved one developed the habit of going to the cemetery and talking to herself at the tomb.

--"People think I have lost my mind," she commented; "but this ritual tends to ease my pain."

*********
What did Mary Magdalene and the other women go to the tomb on resurrection morning for? Did they go because they expected to find the tomb empty? Did they hope to encounter the resurrected Jesus? Did they go with the hope of meeting an angel? The answer is "No." They went with a heavy heart. They had no doubt that Jesus' body was there inside the tomb! What a shock to find the tomb empty! And what a surprise to learn that Jesus was alive!

*********
At the Garden of Gethsemany Jesus prayed: "Thy will be done!" The next day he was dead. Was this God's will that he suffer the excruciating pain of crucifixion? The answer to this question came on resurrection morning!

*********
"I once met a recently married man," the pastor said, "who told me:"

--"We need to end this!"

--"End?" I inquired. You have barely started! You haven't even celebrated your first year of marriage!

--"My marriage is dead," he responded.

*********
On resurrection morning there was fear and joy. Whenever God's will is done on earth, there is always fear and joy.

*********
Carlos was drowning in alcohol. Then he was taken to the detox center, and he was freed from his addiction. He then exclaimed:

--"I was dead, but I am now alive!"

If God was able to bring Jesus on Sunday morning back to life, he can also bring any sinner back to life and happyness no matter how dead he might be in sins and trespasses.

On March 31, 2007 Pastor Randy Roberts' pulpit at the Loma Linda University Church was occupied by Pastor Fred B. Craddock, Director of the Craddock Center, a program serving the spiritual needs of southern Appalachia. Here are some of the anecdotes and memorable vignetes from his sermon that morning:

*********
One day, two thousand years ago, at the age of 30, Jesus decided to get baptized. Maybe it was in response to "Shall we gather at the River?"

*********
There are two kinds of greedy people: those who have money and those who don't.

*********
I know a lady who is reponsible for distributing nine million dollars each year. I told her:

--Can I help?"

*********
A young man on a mission assignment who was staying at the basement of the town's church was reading material for his devotional. The church's senior pastor, on seeing him engrossed in his reading, asked:

--"What are you reading?"

--"My Bible," the young man replied.

--"I used to do that!" the old pastor responded.

*********
God doesn't like lines. But humans do. They often say:

--"The rich, please, line here! And the poor right there." or perhaps:

--"Those with a masters degree line here, and those without one over there."

*********
"Once I was invited," related Pastor Craddock, "to preach at a certain church, and when I arrived, I was taken to an apartment where I was supposed to lodge. I was given a key to the place, and as I entered the apartment, I noticed three signs with directional arrows on the floor. They read: 'Bedroom,' 'Bathroom,' and 'Kitchen.' These signs were a big help; otherwise I would never have been able to figure this out by myself."

"When I entered the kitchen, I opened the refrigerator. It was empty, but there was another sign there that read: 'You will be served breakfast at the church.' Next morning I went to the church and found a line of derelicts waiting for a free meal. The man next in line in front of me was an alcoholic. I asked him whether he had any relatives. He answered:

--'I have a daughter. She let me stay at her place at first, but she had children to raise, and I could not manage to stick to the Alcoholic Anonymous rules, and I was a bad influence on my grandchildren, so I had to ship out.'

"Then the man asked me:

--'And what do you do?'

--I am a preacher, I answered.

--'It gets us all!' he answered, 'doesn't it?'

"I wanted to shout: 'I am not one of you! I am a renowned preacher with a university degree.' Nevertheless, I didn't. I managed to control myself and pretended that I was one of them. Then it dawned on me that, in fact, in God's eyes I was one of them, since there isn't much difference between us. Jesus died for us all."

"God doen't like lines. We are all a bunch of sinners in need of redemption."

On March 24, 2007 Loma Linda University Church Senior Pastor Randy Roberts's sermon title was "I Am Joseph." I was elsewhere that day, but managed to catch a portion of his presentation. Here are some of the illustrations he used that morning:

*********
The story of Joseph teaches us an important lesson. The Lord is not responsible for the injustices and unfair treatments we might receive from those we trust. Nevertheless, he can turn those unfortunate circumstances into a blessing if we let him lead our lives. God was not behind the cruel treatment Joseph received from his brothers when he was sold as s slave, but the Lord used that painful experience in order to bless Joseph, his relatives, and even the Egyptians.

*********
"Sometime ago," related Pastor Roberts, "we decided to pay a visit to my mother. As we entered her home, we could smell the enticing aroma of fresh baked buns. If you have never tasted my mother's fresh-baked buns, you have no idea what I am talking about. With a generous amount of butter, they are dilicious. I asked my mother: 'How do you make them?' 'It is very easy,' she answered. I take some flour, add some salt, oil and baking powder, I mix the ingredient, place them inside the hot oven, and presto: you have delicious fresh-baked buns.'"

"Have you ever tried to eat flower? or oil? or salt? of baking powder? They taste awful. But when they are mixed in the right proportions and placed inside an oven, your get those fresh-baked buns which taste so good."

"Likewise, many of our life experiences are not very pleasent by themselves. Nevertheless, if we let the Lord mix them up in the right proportions, the result might surprise us. We need to let the heavenly baker do this task for us."

*********
Sometime ago there was a funeral in progress in the city of Toronto. All of a sudden the alleged widow received a telephone call, she decided to anwer it and uttered an awful scream: "There is a ghost at the other end!" Somebody else picked her cellullar phone and heard the voice of the woman's husband who was calling to let them know that he was alive and kicking. Evidently, the body inside the casket did not belong to her husband but to somebody else that looked like him. There had been an error in the identification of the victim's body.

Of course there was a schocking surprise, followed by a happy reunion. This illustrates the experience of Joseph's brothers when Joseph revealed his true identity to them. They had a hard time believing that the powerful Egyptian standing in their presence was actually the brother they had sold as a slave years before. We need to keep fresh in our minds that what the Lord did for Joseph, he can do for us as well!

On March 10, 2007, Pastor Randy Roberts' pulpit was occupied by Pastor Jim Greek, Director of chaplain Services at the Loma Linda University Center. Here are some of the anecdotes he used to illustrate his sermon:

*********
Back in 1982 an incident took place at the Potomac River that was reported all over the world. An airplane had plunged into the river soon after take off, and a rescue operation was in progress. It was a cold winter day, and what caught everybody's attention was the sight of a man who kept giving the rescue rope to others again and over again as a helicopter was pulling passengers to safety. I do remember having seen this on television, and if my memory serves me right, this bank examiner lost his chance of being rescued because of his generosity under the most difficult circumstances.

*********
It is not easy to show courage when faced with danger. Pastor Jim Greek illustrated this with the following anecdote from his childhood:

--"When I was a boy, I once was surrounded by several bullies who wanted to have some fun at my expense. A tall and husky boy was ready to thrash me to a pulp. I didn't back up ... of course my feet were frozen in place and wouldn't move. Fortunately, several of my friends who were watching what was taking place did intevene at the right moment, and I was spared the hurt and humiliation that was coming my way.

We have a friend who is always ready to come to our rescue. His name is Jesus.

*********
Pastor Greek used the following illustration towards the end of his sermon:

--"I remember a cartoon I saw many years ago. Lambert was a baby lion cub who grew up among lambs. He thought he was just a lamb like all the others, until one day, when he grew up, he was terrified as he witnessed a wolf grab the sheep that has adopted him. At that point he took courage and thundered like a lion, and rescued the sheep from the wolf's jaws. On that day, when faced with danger, he discoverd his true nature and identity."

As children of the Most High, we need to discover our true nature and identity. We have been destined for eternity.

Due to the fact that today I had to teach the SS lesson elsewhere, I missed Pastor Randy Roberts sermon. Nevertheless, I was able to pick the following anecdote when I turned the TV minutes before my departure.


*********
An Alcoholic Anonymous new member was being interrogated by the leader of the group and the following dialogues took place:

--"Are you addicted to alcoholic drinks?"

--"Not really! I drink only on special social occasions."

The leader picked his cell phone and called the local bar and talked to the bar tender:

--"Do you know Mr. John Doe?"

--"Of course I do!

--"Is it true that he drinks only on special social occasions?"

--"Special social occasions? He is our best client. He gets intoxicated on a regular basis."

Then the leader asked another question of this "social drinker":

--"Have you ever hurt your wife or children?"

--"Hurt my wife or my children? I would never do that! I love them dearly!"

Then the leader dialed another telephone number on his cell phone, and the following exchange took place:

--"Is this Mrs. John Doe?"

--"Yes, it is!"

--"Is it true that your husband has never hurt you or your children?"

--"Hurt? Let me tell you. One cold winter day he was coming home from a shopping trip. He had purchased a birthday gift for our little girl and could not avoid the temptation of stopping at the bar. He told her to entertain herself with the gift he had purchase for her, and said he would be back in a few minutes. One drink was followed by another, and it was past midnight when he finally got home drunk as usual. The girl had to be taken to the emergency for frostbites, and some of her fingers had to be amputated."

On hearing this, John fell on the floor as he had been hit by a thunderbolt.

It is not easy to admit our mistakes and our faults. It wasn't easy for Joseph brothers to admit how cruel they had been when they sold him as a slave, but the time of reckoning had arrived, and they had no choice but to see themselves in its true light when confronted with the need to beg for mercy from the Egyptian potentate who was their brother, but whom they did not recognize.

Pastor Randy Roberts used many anecdotes to illustrate his sermon at the Loma Linda University Church on March 3, 2007. Here are some of them:

*********
An old couple who had spent a considerable amount of their marriage life fighting, moved into a nursing home, and the husband made the following comment upon the occasion:

--"We have invested a significant portion of our life together fighting, but one of these days, the one that is more guilty will go, and then I'll move in with my sister."

*********
A very successful singing artist wrote a song with lyrics that contained the following message:

--"You had too many boyfriends to pay attention to me, but How do you like me now? How do you like me now?

Is that what Joseph was thinking when his ten brothers showed up in Egypt in search of food due to the terrible drought that affected the land of Palestine? Of course, his brothers had no idea that the powerful Egyptian that was talking to them was their brother, the one they had sold as a slave many years ago. Was Joseph, the man appointed by King Pharaoh to be second in command over the entire Egyptian country, thinking "How do you like me now?"

*********
When Adolph Eichman, the man who was responsible for the death of thousands of Jews in the Nazi concentration camps, was kidnapped by Israeli security forces in Argentina, where the Hitler's henchmen had absconded after the war using a false identity, one of the Israeli secret service agent who accompanied Eichman back to Israel, where he was tried and sentenced to death, seeing the man who had taken the life of his six-years-old sister, was too emotional for words, and he did not say anything to the man who caused him so much pain.

Was this the way Joseph felt when he recognized in the faces of these ten travelers his own flesh and blood. Was he scheming a clever plan for revenge when he accused them of being spies and placed them inside the Egyptian jail?

*********
The Bible states that when Joseph saw his brothers prostrated to the ground in his presence, he remembered his dreams. The vivid memory of seeing the sun, the moon, and the stars bowing in his presence came back to him, and he understood the meaning of those dreams he had years ago in his youth. Was he planning revenge?

*********
As we read this dramatic story, we discover that what he was after in everything he did was motivated by his desire to discover whether his brothers were still the same cruel, scheming, individuals he knew when he was sold by them as a slave. The absence of his younger brother, Benjamin, made him wonder whether he might have suffered a similar fate to that of his own. He could not trust their assurance that Benjamin was safe and sound at home. He must see his younger brother no matter the cost, and he demanded that they bring their younger brother on their return trip, and held one of them as hostage to insure that they would return.

*********
A young woman had been molested by her own dad when she was much younger, and the thought that her younger sister might suffer a similar fate made her extremely emotional. When someone asked her about what might happen, she responded:

--"If my dad were to do the same thing to my little sister, I would ...! At this juncture she was overcome with emotion and could not finish her sentence. Just the thought of this taking place was more than she could handle.

Something like this was experienced by Joseph when he jailed his brothers, and later released nine of them with the promise that they would bring their younger brother Benjamin upon their return.

*********
So what kind of thoughts dominated Joseph's thinking during the dramatic events surrounding his encounter with his brothers? Was his reaction similar to that of the successful singing artist who repeatedly was asking the question: "How do you like me now?"

The answer is "No." His main concern was the safety of his younger brother, and some evidence that his brothers were no longer the cruel, scheming young men he had known before he was uprooted from his home in Palestine.

In his February 24, 2007 sermon at the Loma Linda University Church, Senior Pastor Randy Roberts used several anecdotes to illustrate his topic. Here are some of them:

*********
Dante relates the story of the Count of Monte Christo, who wasted 14 years of his life dreaming about vengeance for the wrongs done to him. Joseph, the son of Jacob, had enough reasons for seeking vengeance once he was placed by King Pharaoh in a position of power as the second in command in Egypt. Did he take advantage of his new position to pay back to those who had done him wrong and made his life miserable for over a decade? The answer is "No."

*********
After two years, the Bible states that the Lord remembered Joseph, who was in prison. Pharaoh had a dream that troubled him. He called all the wise men and magicians in his kingdom and related to them his dream, but none of them could tell him the meaning of said dream. Then the king's cup bearer remembered that Joseph had interpreted his own dream when he was in prison, and suggested that Pharaoh bring Joseph from jail that he might interpret for him his dream. Joseph was brought in the presence of King Pharaoh, the king related to him the enigmatic dream, and asked him whether he could tell him its interpretation.

--"I don't think I can," replied Josepy, "but there is a God in heaven who can, and he will tell you the meaning of your dream." Seven years of abundant crops would follow, after which another seven years of terrible drought would take place. Joseph suggested that the king appoint a man to supervise the storage of grain during the seven years of good farm crops. Of course, Pharaoh decided that there was no better choice for such a position of trust than Joseph himself, and thus Joseph was able to write his own job description.

After 13 years of misery, Joseph had now his unique lifetime opportunity of revenge towards those who had done him wrong, but his mind had no place for such feelings.

*********
Experts tell us that it takes 42 muscles for frowning, but only four to smile. It is much easier to have a positive outlook on life, and it makes us much happier than seeking for revenge.

*********
In a physical confrontation between a little man and a powerful wrestler, the strong man smacked his opponent with a powerful blow and said:

--"This was from Judo." After which he smacked him again and said:

--"And this was from boxing."

The weak little fellow left in a hurry and came back with a crowbar and hit his opponent on his head while yelling:

--"And this was from Sears."

The temptation for revenge is extremely powerful, but Joseph had no time for such fellings.

*********
The 13 years Joseph spent away from his home and family seemed like a big waste of precious time. Likewise the 40 years Moses spent in the desert taking care of dumb sheep seemed like a needless big waste as well. We could add the 30 years Jesus spent in obscurity before his three years in the limelight of Jewish life. If we commit our life to God, no experience of ours will be wasted.

*********
Pastor Randy Roberts remembers that one of his teachers said on one occasion the following to his students:

--"With God, no class you take while in school will be wasted."

What follows are some of the anecdotes Pastor Randy Roberts used to illustrate his sermon entitled "My Life is in His Hands" at the Loma Linda University Church on February 17, 2007.

*********
A pastor was leaving a nursing home when he heard the frantic cry of an old man: "Help! Help!" He stopped in order to investigate. The old inmate asked:

-"Are you my son?"

-"No, I'm not," responded the pastor. "Doesn't your son come to visit you,? he asked in return.

-"No, sir. He doesn't!" answered to man.

The preacher went to see the nurse in order to confirm what he had just heard, thinking that perhaps the old inmate could not remember his son's visits due to his senility. The nurse confirmed that the old man's complaint was true.

This illustrates the way Joseph of old probably felt when he was in prison for a crime he had not committed.

*********
There is this prison with a large room for visitors. On a regular weekend, you can count barely two or three visitors in that large and comfortable room designed to accommodate a large number of visitors. Most prisoners end being forgotten by their relatives and their friends. That is the story of Joseph. Alone in a foreign country, forgotten even by those he had treated kindly.

*********
Joseph was placed in charge of the prison inmates. One day, Joseph noticed that two of the prisoners were sad and worried. Each one of them had had a dream, but could not figure out what the dream meant. Joseph interpreted those dreams to them and predicted that within three days Pharaoh's cup bearer would be restored to his former position. Joseph asked him to remember him when he was back in Pharaoh's presence. For two long years he hoped that the cup bearer would do what he had promised, but he had totally forgotten his promise to his benefactor.

*********
The sacred record states that God remembered Joseph. Actually the same book also states that God remembered Noah, the Lord remembered Abraham, Rachel, as well as others. Our friends and relatives may forget us when we are in trouble, but God will never forget when we are in need.

*********
A little boy was getting ready for bed, and he prayed as follows:

-"Our Father who art in heaven. How do you know my name?"

Yes, the Lord knows our name, and he also knows our most pressing needs.

 On February 10 Elder Randy Roberts continued his sermon series dealing with the extraordinary story of Joseph, the son of Jacob. Here are some of the anecdotes he used to illustrate his sermon.

*********
It has been reported that the primary emotion of Americans is disappointment. Many people dream of winning the lottery, which will allow them to live happily ever after. The winner of a 340 million dollars lottery prize said the following after such a roller coaster experience: "I wish we had never purchased that ticket."

*********
A young couple had dreamed of having a child of their own and after 10 years of fervent prayer the wife became pregnant, but as time went on, she was notified by her physician that her child would be terribly malformed. They kept praying, and to their surprise, when the child was born it seemed that the baby was perfect in every detail. Two days later the baby was dead.

*********
Someone stated that there is a broken heart in every church pew. That was the experience of Joseph of old. His story was not from rags to riches, but rather from riches and comfort to rags, and later on to riches never imaginable.

*********
There is a populat saying that lightning never strikes the same place twice. But experts tell us that the Empire Building is hit by lightning hundreds of times a year. Misfortune struck Joseph when he was sold as a slave, then he was falsely accused of attempted rape by Potiphar's wife, and then he was sent to prison. He could have decided to give up on his God. He didn't, and the Lord blessed him again and again in spite of his misfortune.

*********
A young man escorted his girlfriend to the front door of her home and asked her to kiss him for the first time. She refused, saying that her dad was very strict and that there would trouble if she did. The boy would not take a no for an answer and kept begging for a good night kiss. Finally the door opened, and the girl's sister said: "Please, give him a kiss, or else I will give him a kiss. My dad says that he can give him a kiss as well, but please stop pressing the intercom button."

*********
In the middle of Joseph's story is the story of Tamar. She had married Joseph's cousin, the son of Judah. Her husband died, and she became a widow. According to the levirate marriage custom in the Old Testament times, she was entitled to be given in marriage to her husbands younger brother. Judah did fulfill this requirement, but Tamar's second husband also died, and she became a widow the second time. There was still hope for her, because Judah had another son, but his dad refused to allow him to marry Tamar, fearing that he would be cursed with the same fate his other sons had been victim to, and Judah sent Tamar back to her parents.

Tamar's future was bleak. In desperation, she disguised herself as a prostitute, and Judah, who by this time was a widower, decided to pay this aparent prostitute a visit. Since he was coming from the field, he had no ready cash, and promissed to pay the woman her wages later on, and gave her his staff as a token of his promise. When it was revealed that Tamar was pregnant, Judah demanded that she be burned to death.

At that point Tamar produced the evidence which pointed to Judah as the father of the unborn child. This story looks like a great tragedy, nevertheless, with time Tamar became the progenitress of David the King and even an ancestor of Jesus Christ. Our dreams may turn into tragedy, but the Lord can turn a tragedy into something beautiful.

The title of Elder Randy Roberts' sermon on February 3 was The Dream is Born. Here are some of the anecdotes he used to illustrate his topic.

*********
Oliver Windon Holmes, a celebrated physician, decided one day to experiment with ether. When the effect of the chemical was over, he felt that he had discovered the riddle of the universe, but he could not remember what it was. He was so intrigued by this thought that he asked his stenographer to be present at the time of his second experiment with ether. She recorded what he said while dreaming under the influence of said potent substance: "The answer to the riddle is that the entire universe smells like turpentine."

*********
The story of Joseph of old indicates that the main character is not Joseph, but rather the Lord. He dreamed twice that his brothers were paying homage to him. In his second dream, even his father and mother were kneeling in his presence. One day, his father sent Joseph to Shechem, the place where Joseph's sister had been violated by the inhabitants of said place, which resulted in the massacre of all the males of that village.

When Joseph's brothers saw him coming, they decided to kill him, thus killing his strange and offensive dreams. After some considerations, they opted to sell him as a slave. "That is the end of his dreams," they thought. As far as Joseph brothers and his father were concerned, his dreams were dead, and the poor young lad, now reduced to slavery, must have wondered where was God. Fortunately, he determined to be faithful to his God, and his strange dreams eventually became an incredible reality.

*********
Sometimes there seems to be a small distance between our dreams and our nightmares. Our attitude determines the outcome at the end.

The title of Randy Roberts' sermon on January 20, 2006 was "What Andrew Did." Here are some of the anecdotes he used to illustrate his topic:

*********
When Pastor Roberts was a student, he recalls that some of the students were known for what they did rather than for what they believed. One of them was known for constantly washing up his hands; and another for coming to class, sitting in the back, and falling asleep. One day the teacher said:

-"Don't wake him up. I will wake him up one of these days!

*********
Likewise, one of Jesus' disciples named Andrew is remembered for what he did, again and again, rather than for what he believed. After meeting Jesus for the first time, he brought his brother Peter to Jesus; later on in the sacred record we have him bringing a boy who had five loaves of bread and two fish to Jesus before the feeding of the five thousand; then we have the record of how he brought some Greeks to Jesus who had a desire to meed the Lord.

*********
Once upon a time there was a businessman who felt rather acqward in the midst of Christians. On one occasion he was at a business metting, standing all by himself in a corner of the room while everybody was having a good time chatting in small groups. A Christian gentleman spotted this man, walked accross the room, introduced himself, and engaged the lone businessman in a lively conversation. Eventually, the talk veered into religion, and he discovered that the man was a Moslem. He asked him whether he would like to meet him sometime for a cup of coffee and explain to him the reasons for his faith in Islam.

The two eventually met for a cup of coffee more than once, and this Christian businessman had the opportunity of learning about Islam, and also of sharing with him his love for Jesus. To make the story short, this Moslem man became interested in learning more about the Christian faith, and one day decided to accept Jesus as his personal friend and Saviour. The church needs more church members like Andrew and like this Christian businessman who are willing to share their love for Jesus with others.

*********
At the end of one of Dwight Moody's evangelistic sermons, a woman approached him and blurted:

-"I don't like your way of evangelizing!"

-"I don't either," responded Moody. "Tell me about your way of doing this."

-"I don't have a way of witnessing," responded the woman.

-"In that case," clarified Moody, "I like my way of doing it better."

Pastor Randy Roberts did not preach a regular sermon on January 6,2006, but rahter a homily due to the fact that the members of the Loma Linda University Church celebrated the Lord's Supper on that date. Here are some of the anecdotes he used on said occasion:

*********
January 6 is the date the visit of the Magi is celebrated in South America. On said date, most children living in South American countries receive more gifts than on Christmas. The holiday is called "Dia de los Reyes Magos" [The day of the Magi Kings]. According to the Bible and tradition, they came to render their homage to the King that was born in Bethlehem of Judea. The visit of the Magi took place about two weeks after the announcement to the shepherds when the angelic chorus sang: "Glory to God in the Highest, and on earth peace among men."

*********
Pastor Roberts lived in Guatemala many years ago, when his parents were sent to that country as missionaries. More recently, he went again to that country on a mission trip. They were received by a representative of the high society one day, and the next they were invited at one of the most humble homes for dinner. The house had dirt instead of marble floors, and the dinner ware didn't even match, but they were treated with lots of Christian love.

*********
The song of the angels when Jesus was born indicated God's plan to unite into one both heaven and earth, the high society of God and the Holy angels with the society of the most humble human beings. This was accomplished when Baby Jesus took human form and became one of us. With the birth of Jesus, a way was provided once again for linking humanity with the family in heaven .

*********
The Bible tells us that when Gedeon met the heavenly messenger and realized the identity of the individual he was talking to, he was very much afraid and thought he was going to die, because he had seen "the angel of the Lord face to face;" but the Lord told him there was no reason to fear.

The Prophet Isaiah had a similar experience when he saw the Lord in vision. He said: "Woe is me! For I am undone ... for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of Hosts." This is the reason Jesus took human form, that we might be reconciled with God and not be afraid of having to face a Holy God who is a consuming fire for those who are committed to a life of sin and rebellion against God.

On December 30, 2006 Randy Robert's pulpit at the Loma Linda University Church was occupied by Pastor Calvin Thomsen. Here are some of the anecdotes he used to illustrate his sermon:

*********
Many years ago, when Pastor Thomsen was a very young boy, he discovered a large number of Christmas trees which had been discarded by the people in his neighborhood, ready to be hauled away by the trashman. He thought it would be a good idea to collect them so that his dad would not have to buy another Christmas tree in the years to come.

His dad did not think this was a good idea, but the boy managed to prevail and he covered the backyard with those trees. He had lots of fun playing with his new acquisition, but the trees began to dry up and started to shed their pine needles, and very soon there were pine needles all over the house. The day came when his dad said. "This is it! The trees must go." Had those trees been planted with their roots in his backyard, they would have remained green and healthy for many years to come.

The life of some Christians are like the Christmas trees which are cut from its roots. They may look very atractive, especially when they are decorated with brilliant colores lights, tinsel paper, and other ornaments. Nevertheless, after some time, they begin to dry and have to be discarded. We need to recognize that we are frail human beings who can't thrive isolated from the source of our life.

*********
There is a story in the Old Testament that illustrates what happens when we want, in a show of sanctimonious piety, hold others accountable for their moral actions while excusing our own failure to do what is right. Jacob had twelve sons, and Judah was one of them. He eventually became the progenitor of a long line of ancestors of Jesus Christ.

Judah had three sons, and the eldest married a woman named Thamar, but he met an early death, and according to the rules of levirate marriage prevalent in those times, Judah allowed his second son to take Thamar as his wife. Unfortunately, his second son also met with an untimely death, and Thamar became a widow for the second time. When Judah's youngest son became of age, Thamar was legally entitled to become the wife of Judah's youngest son, but Judah chose to ignore his daughter-in-law legal rights.

One day Judah spotted a woman dressed as a prostitute, and he asked her for her price. She said that a goat would suffice. He offered to give her his signet ring, his cord and staff as security with the promise that the goat would be delivered to her in due time. The next day, when a messenger attempted to deliver the animal that had been promised, the man discovered that no one knew the whereabouts of the alleged prostitute, and Judah had no way of recovering his personal items which had been given to the woman as security.

A few months later, he was notified that his daughter-in-law was pregnant. He was furious, and demanded that she be executed for having committed adultery. Thamar then decided to reveal the identity of the man who had impregnated her, and produced Judah's signet ring, his cord and staff. Terribly embarrased, Judah declared: "Now I know that you are more righteous than I am."

*********
Christians are suppossed to be morally perfect, right? Well, the truth is that many Christians are like those Christmas trees who have been cut from their roots. On one occasion a man managed to gather a number of Christian celebrities at his home, many of them renowned scholars who had been very successful at publishing their Christian books. The anfitrion was amused at watching how the egos of some of them collided with each other. Some of them would even gossip about others in order to minimize their accomplishments and thus build up their own egos.

*********
There are Christians who act like spoiled little children. A parent who felt frustrated at the behavior of his children at the K-Mart store made this remark: "When that little rascal threw himself on the floor inside the store, I felt like hollering, 'Are the parents of this spoiled brat anywhere in here?' and then leave the kid there to find his way home the best way he could."

*********
When the three wise men from the East came looking for the newborn King of Israel, they did not find him in Herod's palace, but rather inside the humble, stinky place where Baby Jesus was born, surrounded by animals. Likewise, if we want to find Jesus today, we may have to ignore the lofty mansions of the rich and powerful, and look for him where least expected, because he likes to dwell with those of a humble and contrite spirit.

The title of Pastor Randy Roberts' sermon on December 16, 2006 at the Loma Linda University Church was "I'll Be Home for Christmas and the Third Real Song of Christmas." I want to share with you some of the anecdotes he used to illustrate his topic:

*********
The "I'll Be Home for Christmas" Christmas song popularized by Bing Crosby illustrates the sad fact that during Christmas, the happiest time of the year, is actually for many people the loniest time of the year. Research has shown that 25 percent of Americans do not have close friends. Besides, many Americans who are married and have a family, still feel lonely: they may share a home with family members, and they may share a bed with a spouse, but they do not share a heart with them. They say to those who lament the fact that they'll be "home for Christmas only in their dreams" that they will be home physically, but they have nobody to share their dreams with. What kills Christmas for them is not the cold of winter, but rather the frost of loneliness.

*********
A Hollywood star was coming home and saw her picture on the Rolling Stone magazine at the airport proclaiming the arrival of the luckiest girl in the world. Yes, she was coming home, but her home was the loneliest place on earth.

*********
A valuable CBS employee whose job was to manage the special television lights effects lay in a hospital bed in critical condition. This is what he told the hospital chaplain who came to pay him a visit. "This morning Jesus said to me: 'How would you like to be in charge of the special light effects of your sunset?'"

*********
In the second chapter of the Gospel of Luke, we find the story of Simeon who, facing the end of his days, did not feel lonely. Why? He had seen the face of Baby Jesus, and he felt that this was the greatest privilege a human being could ever dream of. If we have Jesus, there is no good reason to feel lonely!

*********
The right of passage from childhood into manhood has been a treasured tradition for certain jungle tribes. One of those rights of passage required the father to accompany his son when he reached the age of twelve into the deepest recesses of the jungle forest and leave him there alone. If he managed to survive the dark night's ordeal unscathed, then in the morning he would become a new member of the tribe. The boy would be terrified during the long night, but at sunset he would discover that his dad had been watching over him from a short distance with his weapons of war, ready to shoot his arrows at any forest beast that might threaten to do his boy harm. In a time of crisis, we may feel that we are alone, but the Lord is there, ready to come to our rescue if we surrender our life to him.

Pastor Randy Roberts' sermon on December 9 dealt with Christmas. Here are some of the anecdotes he used to illustrate his presentation at the Loma Linda University Church:

*********
A radio station was giving away a litter of kittens to the person who would provide the best reason for wanting those pets. Little Johnny called the station and gave the following explanation for his entitlement to such a gift:

-"My mom says: 'That's all we need.'"

*********
A school sports competition would determine who would win a ticket to David's favorite hockey game, and he was hoping he would be the winner, but he lost to another boy. David came home sad, disappointed, and frustrated. His mother suggested:

-"Why don't you pray about this?"

That evening, before going to bed, David poured his soul into the following heartfelt prayer:

-"Lord, you know how bad I want to see my favorite hockey team play. Please, help me get a ticket for the game. In the name of Jesus, Amen."

The next day, one of his friends offered him a ticket to a practice session of his favourite hockey team. He watched the practice session with great excitement. Then, all of a sudden, his favourite hockey team player broke his stick. He was given a new one, and he walked straight towards where David was and gave the broken stick to him as a souvenir. You can imagine David's joy at this turn of events.

David did not get what he had asked for, but he got something better. That is the way God answers our prayers.

*********

Two thousand years ago the Jews were eager to see the Romans, who oppressed them, defeated. This was their most cherised desire. The Lord heard their prayers and gave them Baby Jesus and Baby John the Baptist, who showed them the way to the forgiveness of their sins. They wanted to be free from Roman oppression, but God provided them a way to be free from a life of sin, misery and guilt.

*********
A Nigerian woman was asked to explain the meaning of her unique Nigerian name. This is how she answered:

-"My parents were deeply in love, but their parents were adamantly oppossed to their marriage. When I was born, my parents named me 'The child that took the anger away,' hoping that I would be God's instrument in reconciling my parents to my grandparents.

This illustrates why Jesus was born in Bethlehem.

*********
There is a popular Christmas son called the "Twelve Days of Christmas" with words that do not seem to make very much sense, but there is a history behind it. Catholic tradition says that the song was created at the time when Catholics were perecuted in England, and the seemingly nonsense lyrics were actually coded religious words designed to teach Catholics their religious dogma. Here is the hidden meaning of each one of those symbols:

-1: Partridge in a pear tree = The One true God revealed in the person of Jesus Christ
-2: Turtle Doves = The Old and New Testaments
-3: French Hens = Faith, Hope and Charity
-4: Calling Birds = the Four Gospels and/or the Four Evangelists
-5: Golden Rings = The first Five Books of the Old Testament, the "Pentateuch" which contain the law condemning us of our sins.
-6: Geese A-laying = the six days of creation
-7: Swans A-swimming = the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit, the seven sacraments of the Catholic faith
-8: Maids A-milking = the eight beatitudes
-9: Ladies Dancing = the nine Fruits of the Spirit
-10: Lords A-leaping = the ten commandments
-11: Pipers Piping = the eleven faithful apostles
-12: Drummers Drumming = the twelve points of doctrine in the Apostle's Creed

*********
Drennon's Twelve Days of Christmas

http://www.cvc.org/christmas/12days.htm

On December 2, 2006, Pastor Randy Roberts illustrated his sermon with several anecdotes. Here are some of them:

*********
A renowned sports coach who had managed to lead his team to an extremely successful season was headed for a practice session, when his secretary told him he had a telephone call. He responded that he was very busy, but the woman insisted saying that the call was from Sports Illustrated. Thinking that it must be from a reporter, and suspecting that here was his chance to get his picture on the cover of the magazine, he decided to take the call. The voice at the other end of the line said:

-"Do you want to renew your suscription to Sports Illustrated?"

*********
A well-known, but very humble John Hopkins University professor who was testifying under oath in front of a judge was asked:

-"What makes you think that your opinion is credible on this subject?"

-"Because I am the highest living authority on this topic," he responded.

A close friend of the professor asked him to explain his response, which evidently sharply contrasted with his customary humble opinion of himself, to which he answered:

-"I was testifying under oath!"

*********
Toni Campolo, the celebrated Baptist teacher and preacher is credited for the following anecdote dealing with Barth, the renowned theologian: While driving towards church meeting with his children in the back seat, Barth overheard the following conversation.

-"Dad is famous all over the world!"

-"Yes, the only problem is that people don't know this!"

*********
A young mother was dying of cancer, and her little boy asked his dad why his mom looked different from other moms. Inspired by this question, the boy's dad decided to write a song, which he entitled "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." He asked Been Crosby to record it and got a negative response. He tried Gene Autry, who was also unwilling to do this, but Autry's wife begged him to do it, and he did. It sold six million copies.

*********
When God looked around for a woman to bear his Son, He could have chosen a rich princess. He didn't. He defied conventional wisdom, and chose a poor peasant girl named Mary. She was so poor, Baby Jesus was born in a stable, surrounded by farm animals. If you think that the Lord would never choose you for something special, think again!

*********
When Hudson Taylor, the renowned missionary to China, visited Australia, he was invited to speak, and was introduced as "Our Most Illustrious Guest." When he got up to speak, he clarified:

-"I am actually a humble servant of the most illustrious Master."

On November 25, 2006, Pastor Roberts' pulpit at the Loma Linda University Church was occupied by Dan Matthews, former Executive Director of the Faith For Today television program. Here are some of the anecdotes he used to illustrate his topic:

*********
Once upon a time a pastor decided to pay a visit to one of his parishoners whose church attendance was rather spasmodic. When he asked why he rarely went to church, the man said that he was doing quite well spiritually staying at home instead. It was winter, and the wood burning in the fireplace kept the house nice and cozy. The pastor pushed one of the glowing embers to one side without saying a word. After a long visit, he got up to leave. His host did notice that the glow from the ember the pastor had pushed to one side had disappeared, and realized that it was a symbol of what his spiritual life would be if he persisted in staying away from church.

*********
A certain man asked God to show him the difference between heaven and hell. He was taken to hell in vission and saw a long table loaded with the most appetizing dainties, and yet the people seated around the table looked emaciated and starved. Each one had a long spoon attached to his hand, and no matter how hard they tried, they had trouble getting any food inside their mouths. Then he was transported in vision to heaven, where a similar long table was also loaded with delicious food items, and where the people seemed to be well fed, in spite of having likewise long spoons attached to their hands. Their secret? They were busy feeding each other.

*********
On a certain occasion, Tony Campolo, the celebrated evangelical preacher, met an unkempt man drinking coffee. He was tempted to turn his eyes from this homeless-looking man, but their eyes met, and the man iasked Tony to take a sip of coffee from his cup. Feeling that this man was also a child of God, he did accept, and was ready to leave, when the man said:

-"Can I asked you something." Campolo was almost sure, the man would be begging for a handout."

-"Sure, what can I do for you?" he responded. The man said,

-"Can I ask for a hug?" Campolo gave him a hearty embrace, and after this encounter he felt he had seen the face of Jesus Christ in that lonely man.

*********
-"I have a prayer partner," Pastor Matthews said, "who is praying for me at this precise moment, and he is also praying for a man who is slowly dying at a hospice. This patient and his family had no hope, and were rather despondent. My partner did pray for them, shared with them the story of Jesus Christ, and gave them the hope of eternal life where there will be neither sickness, disease, not death."

*********
Pastor Matthews had the privilege of inteviewing a man who had just finished a successful 51 days hunger strike that resulted in the government opening a few well-heated governmental building back east for homeless individuals who were dying from the cold winter.

*********
Sometime ago Pastor Matthews noticed a handicapped man walking on crutches and strugling to keep his pants from falling down. He felt he needed to help this man somehow. He decided it was his duty to give this man his own belt, which he had no real need for, but it was a Christian Dior belt he had received as a gift from his wife. After performing this act of kindness, Pastor Matthews remembered that Jesus had said:

-"Inasmuch as you have done this to the least of these, you have done it unto me!"

Here are some of the anecdotes Randy Roberts, Senior Pastor of the Loma Linda University Church of Seventh-day Adventists, used to illustrate his sermon on November 18, 2006:

*********
Some years ago, Randy Roberts was pastoring the congregation of the Corona SDA Church. Robert's wife name is Anita, but there was at the time in said church a woman whose name was Sandy Roberts, and she was the church's secretary. Because she shared the same last name with the pastor, some people assumed that Sandy was his wife. One day, one of the members pointed in the direction of the pastor and Anita and made the following comment:

-"I don't think it is right for Pastor Roberts to act in such a friendly way with that woman."

*********
A family therapist once made the following comment: "There are several statements comprising of merely three words that coult do miracles in restoring a broken marriage relationship. They are, "I love you!" "I am sorry!" and "You are right!" Likewise, there are three words that can lead us into a closer relationship with the Lord. They are: "God is love."

*********
George Mattison was a teenager who was loosing his eyesight, and his physician told his parents that their son was doomed to become totally blind. George decided to ignore his misfortune, and applied himself in his studies the best he could. By the time he signed up for a ministerial career, he had to rely on the help of his sister, who studied Greek, Hebrew, and the other ministerial courses with him to help him out in his dream of becoming a preacher.

Eventually, his blindness progressed, and he became totally blind, at which juncture his wife abandoned him saying she could not bear the thought of living with a blind man. This tregic event in his life was harder for him to bear than his loss of sight. Nevertheless, his faith in God did not waiver, he preached like no one else had done before, and he is the author of one of the Christian hymns that has blessed thousands of believers since then.

*********
Pastor Roberts read a well written poem about heaven whose message can be summarized in the following manner. A man, upon crossing the pearly gates of heaven, noticed that a lot of people of ill repute whom he could clearly recognize were there. He was shocked, and thought that the Lord must surely have made a mistake in admitting such sinners, whose rightful place was in hell, he thought. He abserved also that said group of sinners were looking at him in absolute silence. He asked the angel, the reason for this, and the angel said:

-"What happens is that they are definitely surprised to see you here. They were expecting that you would surely end in hell!"

*********
A man decided one day to express to his wife how much he loved her, and he stated with deep emotion:

-"I would swim the wide ocean; I would cross the arid and hot desert; I would climb the highest mountain to be with you."

His wife was so impressed by this show of affection, and she responded as follows:

-"Honey. You can be glad you don't have to do all that to be with me. How about taking care of the dishes instead?" To which the man answered:

-"I was talking about love, not about dishes!"

*********
Little Johnny was excited about the coming Father and Son Campout. They were scheduled to leave on Friday at five o'clock, but his dad got home late and apologized to his son, promising that they would get up early the next morning and arrive at camp in time to join the rest of campers. Johnny got up early the next morning, loaded all the camping gear in the car, and eagerly waited for his dad to get up. The time for departure came and past, but his dad was still sound asleep.

It was 9:30 when his dad finally awoke from his sleep, and apologized again to his son, and explained that he would not be able to participate in the Father and Son Campout program because he had some important business to take care off. He ordered Johnny to unload his camping gear form the car, loaded his golf equipment and left the stunned little boy heart broken. This boy grew up, and twenty years later he confessed that that heartless treatment he received from his dad on that day had left a painful memory which time had not been able to erase.

On November 11/2006 Pastor Randy Roberts' sermon was entitled "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God." Here are some of the anecdotes he used to illustrate his topic.

*********
On a certain occasion the Lord decided to sent one of his angels down to earth in order to find out the condition of human beings on this planet. The angel went back to heaven with the report that 95 percent of human beings were sinners, and the rest claimed themselves to be among the righteous. God then sent another angel in order to verify the findings of the first angel. The second angelic messenger came back with the report that those who thought themselves to be among the righteous were sinners as well.

*********
Before Jonathan Edwards was twelve years old, he had already mastered the following languages: Latin, Hebrew, and Greek. At twelve he was accepted at Yale, and at seventeen he graduated with the highest honors. He is remembered for a sermon he preached entitled "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God." He was thin, pale, and he talked in a rather weak voice. On top of all this, he simply read the entire sermon from beginning to end. Nevertheless, his congregation was shaken by what they heard. Among the many terrible descriptions he made about the anger the Lord manifested towards sinners was the following: "The Lord will hold sinners over the pit of hell as if they were abominable spiders." There seemed to be no mercy mixed with God's alleged wrath and no grace for sinners.

*********
Perhaps God's wrath is like the anger manifested by a woman belonging to a special organization called MADD, Mad Against Drunk Drivers. This woman was the kindest individual on earth, but she was mad. Mad against the neglicence and irresponsibility of those who drink, drive, and place in jeopardy the lives of innocent people. God's wrath tells me that he cares about what happens to me, and he hates what harms me.

*********
A mother was desperate about the way her son was destroying himself and his future with his untoward behavior. She sought the advice of an expert, who responded: "It is perhaps time for you to let go of him. His life will punish him."

*********
A woman was in the midst of an love affair. She confided with her pastor that her greatest pain was realizing that her husband did know about her unfaithfulness, and yet he did not care. Instead of manifesting anger for her deviant behavior, he would say: "Go see your boyfriend!"

Randy Robert's sermon on November 04/2006 was "God in the Shadows," and here are some of the anecdotes he used to illustrate his topic:

*********
If you have ever watched the TV show "Deal or No Deal?" you might have noticed that the face of the banker is not shown. Some contestants might have wondered whether he has a friendly face, or whether his objective is to get some of the contestants our of the game.

*********
One evening Pastor Roberts was walking his two Labrador dogs, and he passed by three teenagers. Two of them were standing by a car, and the third one was inside the vehicle. As he approached them, they turned their faces away from him, and the one inside the car did the same. The pastor wondered what they were up to. He wished he could have seen their faces.

*********
Moses was a remarkable religious and political leader, and he had the rare privilege of talking to God. On one occasion, as they were ready to depart from Mount Sinai, he asked for the chance of seeing God's face. The Lord hid Moses in a rock crevice and passed by, manifesting to his loyal servant his glory, but the Lord hid his face from him. He told Moses that no man could see his face and live.

*********
When we are confronted with seemingly insurmountable problems, or when things go wrong, we would like to see God, in order to discover whether he has a friendly face. The same is true when we read the Old Testament. Some of those stories buried in the pages of the Bible make us wonder whether the Lord has a friendly face. We have a hard time understanding some of the things recorded there, especially what we find in the book of Judges, until we get to the last page of the book, and we read: "In those times there was no king, and everyone did what seemed good in his own eyes."

*********
It is hard to believe that God has a friendly face when unexpected tragedy strikes. A father was sitting in the LLU Medical Center waiting room trying to understand why his darling little daughter had to die of a brain tumor. His mother was trying to console him with the following words:

-"You have to accept it. It is God's will."

We probably wonder: "Was it?"

*********
A careful observation of the writing contained in the Old Testament reveals that Satan is almost absent from those sacred pages. It is in the New Testament that the Devil's evil character is more fully revealed. This is why, the people whose lives are recorded in the Old Testament atributed everything that took place to God's will. We know better today.

*********
There is a Jewish Hasidic tale that tells about the big celebration that took place in heaven when the pursuing army of Egyptian Pharaoh drowned in the Red Sea. One of the angels approached Gabriel and asked him why was God absent from this celebration. Gabriel replied.

-"God is alone, crying. How can he celebrate when a large number of his children perished and are no more?"

*********
Back in 1952 there was an extremely cold day in London, and people lighted their fireplaces everywhere, and the smoke from their chimmneys mixed with the fog, and in three days 12,000 people perished. On the third day, the wind blew the smoke and the fog away, and they could see the sun and the clear sky again.

*********
When baby Jesus was born in Bethlehem two thousand years ago, the Holy Spirit blew away men's ignorance, and we could see the friendly face of God in Jesus face. What Moses asked for, was finally granted the sons of men.

The topic of Elder Randy Roberts sermon on October 28 was "An Offer of Friendship." Here are some of the anecdotes he used to illustrate his presentation:

*********
One night, after shopping, a woman noticed that a truck seemed to be following her on the freeway. She sped up, and the truck driver did the same, she changed lanes, and the truck driver changed lanes as well and kept at a close distance from her. She exited the freeway and decided to drive on surface streets, looking for a lighted area where she could stop and be safe from this truck driver. She stopped at a market, got off her car and bolted towards the shop. The truck driver stopped behind her car, but did not follow her. Instead, he rushed towards her car, opened the back door, and pulled the intruder hiding in the back seat and held him up untill the police arrived and arrested him. The woman was running away from the truck driver thinking that he was trying to harm her, when in fact he was determined to save her from unknown danger.

*********
A very young boy was tired of his brother Anthony's threats. Whenever he wanted to play with his brother, Anthony would yell:

-"Get lost. Go away, or I'll clobber you. You are a stinker!

The young kid would react by saying:

-"When I am six, I'll beat you up. When I am six, I'll beat you up!

*********
A grumpy woman found an empty bottle while walking on the beach. She opened it. A genie got out, thanked her for freeing him, and asked the woman to select three wishes, explaining that whatever she asked for would be granted her, but a double of what she asked would be given to her husband.

Her first request was for a million dollars. She got her request, and her husband got double that amount.

Her next request was for the most expersive necklace. This request was also granted: one necklace for her, and two for her husband.

-"What is your last request, old woman," asked the genie.

The woman got silent for a minute or so, and then responded:

-"I want you to scare me half dead."

*********
We try to evade and run away from those who hate us, and those we perceive as our enemies, fearing that unless we do so, they will likely harm us. Not so with God, who died for us "when we were God's enemies" [Romans 5:10], and adopted us as his own children [I John 3:1].

*********
Once upon a time, there was a couple who were unable to have children, and decided to adopt a baby boy. Their joy had no bounds, and as a result the woman got pregnant and soon after they had two baby boys. A friend one day asked the man the following question:

-"Which one of these two boys is the one you adopted?"

The man hesitated for a moment, and then responded as follows:

-"I forgot!" I love them both.

Here are some of the anecdotes Pastor Randy Roberts, senior pastor of the Loma Linda University Church, used to illustrate his sermon entitled: "Ground Zero" on October 21, 2006.

*********
A group of students were on a tour and they approached a road sign that read "Gettisburg." One of them asked:

-"Why is this place important? What happened here?"

This American student had no idea that Gettisburg is known as the place where President Abraham Lincoln delivered his best known address to the nation.

*********
A group of tourists were standing by Ground Zero in Manhattam, New York, while a man was selling pictures of the twin towers that had stood there for years until bin Laden decided to level them down in a daring terrorist act. One men made the following comment:

-"I saw the whole thing. I saw the airplane as it hit the tower and brought it down in a pile of rubble. I know who did that. It was the American government!"

-"It wasn't," replied another. "I did see bin Laden celebrating that successful terrorist act he had orchestrated from Afghanistan."

*********
A third group of cosmopolitan onlookers stood two thousand years ago around Golgotha, on Mount Calvary. What happened there? This was the place chosen by the Romans for the execution of criminals. The method? Crucifixion. A slow and agonizing death reserved for the most hated lawbreakers in their midst. Who was the target of such a cruel treatment? Jesus of Nazareth, who claimed to be the Son of the Living God. Why did they kill him. The answer was given by a man of cloth:

-"It is better that one man die and not that the entire nation perish."

-"I heard the thunder, and I saw the earth tremble," another man said. "This man was not a common criminal."

-"God forbid that I should glory," said another man named Paul a few years later, "except in the cross."

*********
What took place on Calvary that fateful Friday has been interpreted by theologians in diametrically oppossed ways. Anselm, the Bishop of Canterbury, explained that historic event as God pouring his wrath against sin on his own Son, in order to satisfy the demands of God's justice and thus open the way to save sinful humanity.

One of Anselm's students named Peter Abelard, on the other hand, suggested that what happened on said occasion was the most dramatic demonstration of God's love in order to entice sinners to repent and ask God for forgiveness.

*********
A modern Loma Linda theologian named Graham Maxwell explained what happened at Golgotha this way: "Jesus didn't say, 'My God, why are you killing me?' but rather, 'Why have you given me up?'" On that Roman cross, both the character of God and that of the Devil were revealed in the clearest possible manner. Satan was revealed as what he has been since the time he rebelled against God, a murderer.

*********
Let's imagine the following scenario: A young, rich man takes his fiancee and shows her his mansion. She is impressed and ready to accept his marriage proposal. Nevertheless, he says to her.

"Let me show you a tombstone in the backyard of my mansion. This is where my first wife rests. I dearly loved her, but things got bad, and I had to kill her. Now, will you marry me?"

*********
Let's imagine another scenario. A group of youngsters approach the beach ready to dive into the enticing waters, but an old man says:

-"Don't do it, these waters are shark infested!"

The youngsters pay no attention to the warning and are ready for the adventure. Suddenly, Jesus shows up, he jumps into the water, is attacked by a shark, and he bleeds to death. The young men are impressed, and are saved from a sure death.

The title of Pastor Randy Roberts' on October 14/2006 was "Like Father, Like Son." Due to a bout with the flu, I did not have the pleasure of attending the Lome Linda University worship service, but thanks to LLBN, I was able to watch the entire service on television. Here are some of the anecdotes he used to illustrate his topic:

*********
A respected businessman was in need of the services of a private secretary. Among the applicants for the position, he picked one that seemed intelligent, a good typist, polite, calm, effective, and extremely energetic. She worked for him for twelved years, and then announced that she had decided to retire. His boss was very perplexed, realizing that it would be extremely difficult for him to find a suitable replacement for such an outstanding personal secretary.

He decided that a farewell retirement party was the minimum that he could offer to such a faithfull and efficient office worker. When the time came for the celebration, the enigma of the outstanding energy manifested by this woman was revealed. His secretary showed up with her identical twin sister. They both had been working for him without his knowledge, half time each, and they split the salary between the two. To his amazement, he had never suspected this peculiar arrangement, but it explained the impressive energy these twin sisters had manifested in their work.

*********
Prior to his suffering and death, Jesus received a special request from Phillip, one of his disciples. "Lord, show us the Father," he begged. The Lord responded as follows: "Don't you know me, Phillip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, 'Show us the Father'?" [John 14:8-9]

Like the twin sisters, Jesus was the image of God the Father. The human expression of the One who is Invisible. What Jesus was saying is: "When you see me kneeling in Gethsemany and praying in agony of soul for deliverance, you will be seeing God the Father. When you see me abused, mistreated, and then hanging between heaven and earth, you will be seeing God the Father. We are in this together with your Father who is in heaven."

*********
Once upon a time a man decided to invite a large number of his friends for dinner, and when all the guests were present, the man told his little boy to ask for the blessing. Little Johnny protested: "I don't know what to say!" To which his dad responded: "Just say what you have heard your mom say when she prays."

They all bowed their heads, and Johnny recited what he had heard from his mother lips: "Lord, why did my husband had to invite so many people for dinner?"

*********
Some time ago, Pastor Roberts asked his congregation to read the entire Bible from beginning to end. Many of his parishioners did, and some of them came back complaining that they they were not sure whether they would be able to finish. They were stuck in the book of Judges.

"When I read the book of Judges," said Elder Roberts, "I thank God for Jesus, who came down from heaven to show us the true character of a loving God."

*********
One of the Loma Linda University Church members, a psychologist, sent the Pastor an Email thanking him for preaching about God. In this email, he related how he had the chance of witnessing the sentencing phase of Richard Ramirez, the man who is currently awaiting execution for the murder of 14 innocent human beings.

When interrogated, Ramirez would refuse to talk about the details connected with the murders, but he was willing to talk about the "Great Controversy between good and evil."

Being an Adventist, this psychologists perked his ears. Ramirez stated that he could not serve a weak God who was willing to do nothing while his enemies abused, flogged, and crucified him. He would rather serve Satan who would never demean himself in like manner.

This illustrates the undeniable fact that our behavior and life reflect the kind of God we serve.

Randy Roberts' sermon today, Octobrer 7, 2007,  was entitled "A God That is Big Enough". I managed to take some notes on the following anecdotes he used to illustrate his topic:

*********
A man, noticing that his boy was drawing a picture instead of doing his homework, asked:
-"What are you doing, son?"
-"I am drawing a picture of God," the boy replied.
-"Nobody knows what God looks like," objected the dad.
-"The will, once I am done," answered the boy.

*********
There was a box of apples at one end of the cafeteria, and a box of candies at the other end. The sign next to the box of apples read: "Free. Take one only. God is watching." The sign next to the box of candies read: "Take all you want. God is busy watching the box of apples!"

*********
A boy was talking to God and asked:

-"How much is a thousand years for you, Lord?"
-"It's like a second," God answered.
-"And what does a million years look like? asked the boy.
-"It's like a dime," responded the Lord.
-"Can I have a dime?" begged the boy.
-"Just a minute!" answered God.

*********
Someone sent Pastor Roberts a few wise sayings. I managed to jot down a couple of them:

-"What if a person is scared to death twice?"
-"Why do psychis ask for your name?"

*********
At the dedication of the magnificent Temple Solomon built for the glory of God, he prayed:

-"But will God really dwell on earth with men? The heavens, even the highest heavens, cannot contain you. How much less this temple I have built!"

This realization that God is bigger than anything you can imagine drove King Solomon to his knees.

*********
Thomas Aquinas, the most renowned Chnristian theologian, who authored the voluminous Summa Theologica, one day had a glimspse of the divine, and he stopped writing. Someone asked him for the reason, and he responded:

-"I realized that my words are like straw when compared with the grandeur and the glory of God."

*********
God is bigger than anything we can imagine, and yet he is also the tiny baby that was born in Bethlehem two thousand years ago, a baby that eventually became a Jewish Rabbi who travelled the dusty roads of Palestine. He came down from heaven to show us that he enjoys a close relationship with those he created.

*********
Psalm 19 tells us that the "heavens declare the glory of God." God has revealed himself to us through those things he created for our enjoyment. He has also revealed himself to us through his Word, the Word he spoke through his prophets. But this is not all. God revealed himself to us also through that "Word that became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth."

*********
If we could somehow get inside a spaceship and reach the edge of the universe and take a picture of our universe. If we could develop said picture and print it on paper the size of the United States, and then travel West with an astronomer and ask him to show us where our planet earth is. He would probably stop at Dallas Texas, get on his knees, point to a tiny speck, and say: Here it is.

-"Is that our planet?" we would ask.
-"No," he would say, "that is our galaxy."

This gives you an idea of the size of the universe. Our universe is huge, yet God is bigger than that; but he delights in having a close relationship with us.

*********
God is big enough to rule the entire universe, yet small enough to dwell in our hearts.

*********
The renowned Preacher Fosdick was once talking to one of his students who had lost his faith in God.

-"Tell me, please," said Foskick, "about the God you no longer believe in."

The student pointed to him all the evil and suffering taking place in the world, while God was doing nothing to stop it. When the young man was done with his description of the God he stopped believing in, Fosdick stated:

-"I don't believe in the God you described either."

*********
The kind of God we believe in determines the kind of universe we live in.

On September 30, 2006, Elder Randy Roberts sermon at the Loma Linda University Church was entitled: "Good God, What Have We Done to You?" I want to share with you some of the anecdotes he used to illustrate his topic:

*********
A few years ago a man on a mission got up early one day, shaved and had breakfast, checked his airplane ticket, prayed, and boarded an American Airlines airplane. His plane never landed at the expected destination. Instead, it crashed against one of the New York World Trade Twin Towers. The date? September 11, 2001. Three thousand innocent people perished in this tragedy on that day. We ask: Why? Why killing the innocent?

*********
A long time ago, the Lord came to visit those he had created, but they hid from the presence of God. We ask: Why? Why flee from God?

*********
A man of God named Jephthah was coming home after a remarkable victory over his enemies, and his darling and only daughter came running to meet her dad. He was horrified! Why? Because he had made a vow promising that if the Lord would grant him a victory over his enemies, he would offer as a sacrifice to his God whoever was first in welcoming him back from war. He felt he had to keep his vow, and he did. We ask: Why? Why sacrifice the innocent?

*********
A man named Job Lost all his fortune, and all his children overnight, and then a terrible disease tormented him to the point he wished he had never been born. Three friends came to "console" him. Instead they accused him of having sinned against God, and insisted that the punishment that had been inflicted on him was light in comparison to his guilt. Of course, the accusation was false. We ask: why? Why inflicting additional pain on someone who was suffering umbearable pain without good cause?

*********
A Powerful man named Paul, extremely devoted to his religion, was heading towards Damascus with authority to persecute the followers of Jesus Christ. He had no doubt that he was in God's service. Suddenly, a flash of light from heaven threw him off his horse, and a voice from heaven asked: "Why are you persecuting me?" "Who are you," he asked in return. "I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting," the voice replied. We ask: Why? Why was he persecuting the innocent?

*********
The answer to all these question is: The kind of God we serve determines the way we live. The 9/11 airplane terrorists were praying to their God for a successful suicidal mission due to their erroneus view of God; Adam and Eve hid from God because their view of God's character had been distorted by the serpent's lies; Jephthah offered his only daughter as a child sacrifice due to his erroneous view of what pleases God; Job's friends harsh treatment of Job resulted from their misconception of God's character; and Paul was bent on a diabolical mission against the followers of Jesus Christ because of his twisted view of God.

There is no denial. The kind of God we serve determines the way we live. The most dangerous people are those who are full of zeal, but have a twisted view of what God wants.

*********
There is the story of a farmer named Erbail who lived two millenia B.C. He went to worship God at a fertility cult. He was chosen for the sacred privilege of spending one week with the cult prostitutes in exchange for offering his son as a sacrifice to his God. His wife looked with horror at the scene. We ask: Why did this farmer do this? He too had a twisted view of God's character!

*********
Anthony Campolo, the celebrated Christian preacher, was at disneyland with his little boy. This took place when you were required to surrender a ticket for each ride. Campolo and his son had used the last ticket they had, but the boy asked for another ride at Space Mountain. "We do not have any tickets left," his dad replied. "I know that Jesus wants me to have another ride on Space Mountain," the boy insisted. "What makes you think that?" asked the dad. "You did." the boy replied. "You told me that God is happy when we are, which means that when I enjoy Space Mountain ride, Jesus enjoys the ride as well." Of course, Tony Campolo's son god another ride on space Mountain. This boy probably had a better view of what God enjoys than those individuals we named before.

*********
This is why Ellen White wrote that God's true character needs to be revealed to the world, because the kind of God we worship determines the way we live and act!

*********
Now a Personal Comment: As I listened to Pastor Roberts talk about what Jephthah did to his daughter, I could not avoid thinking about the millions of unborn children who are sacrificed inside the abortion clinics as a result of a twisted view of what God wants. Actually the Good Books states clearly what the Lord wants:

This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live. [Deut. 30:19]

To every pregnant woman the Lord offers both blessings and curses, and he invites them to choose life for themselves and for their children. For those unable to raise a child, there is the adoption alternative.

On September 23, 2006, Pastor Randy Roberts preached about teamwork at the Loma Linda University SDA Church, and these are some of the anecdotes he used to illustrate his sermon:

*********
"The other day," said the pastor, "we were heading towards Los angeles on the freeway and decided to take the carpool lane. Traffic was extremely slow on the other lanes, for which reason we managed to swish by hundreds of cars occupied by only one person. We then realized the advantage of teamwork."

*********
A writer by the name of Fletcher was lamenting the large homes some architects were designing which provide a separate room for each activity. The net result of these extremely comfortable homes is to separate family members instead of uniting them, with each one doing his/her own thing in a separate room, and each one watching his own television program on his/her own television set. This is opposite of teamwork!

*********
In the Bible the church of God is depicted as the Body of Christ, which is diameytrically oppossed to our American rugged individualism.

*********
The writer of Ecclesisstes described rugged individualism in the following manner: There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. 'For whom am I toiling,' he asked, 'and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?' This too is meaningless--a miserable business."

*********
Someone observed that Tom Hanks, the renowned American actor, while taping a new film was busy coaching an unknown actor named Dunken and helping him refine his acting. When the time for the film awards came around, this rather obscure actor got the nomination for best actor, and Tom had the pleasure of having helped him achieve this remarkable success. That is the reward of teamwork.

*********
Ecclesiastes also says that Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has none to help him up! If two are better than one, then three must be better than two, which means that teamwork yields better results than rugged individualism.

*********
It was estimated that if Coca-Cola raised a penny for each case of their product, their net profit would increase by $45 million dollars by year end. Sometimes church members think that their contribution to the work of the church is rather insignificant, yet the sum of all these "insignificant" coontributions to the teamwork makes a great difference in the total outcome of their team effort.

*********
Teamwork is especially important when dealing with swimming. The fundamental rule is: "Never go swimming alone." Some of those who ignored this basic rule have paid a heavy price!

*********
Thousands of workers worked for years in de design of the Boeing 747. One of them worked for 15 years on the design of the switchbox, but when the airplane took its first flight, the result of all this teamwork filled this patient worker with pride.

*********
Even the Son of God craved for human companionship on the night that preceded his arrest and crucifixion, and he begged his disciples to stay awake and pray with him. If he was in need of teamwork, so much more those who are weaker in faith than he was.

*********
When Hellen Keller, the most influential blind woman ever known, realized that her teacher and friend was dead, she wrote: "The best of me is indebted to her." Whatever she accomplished was the result of team effort by both, Hellen Keller and Ann Sullivan.

*********
A certain renowned preacher stated: "Rememeber to preach to broken hearts, because there is always one in every pew." This is why the Bible encourages us to bear one another's burdens.

*********
On one occasion Moody was visiting one of his parishioners who claimed he could live a Christian life alone, without any help from others. It was winter, and the fire was on in the fireplace. He did not respond to the man's comment, but rather got up and pushed one piece of burning coal away from the burning fire. You can guess what was the result, and the man got the message. We were designed for teamwork.

*********
A study revealed that those couples who use mostly the word "we" in their conversations do have strongers marriages than those whose preference is for the use of the term "you."

*********
On the desk of an NFL manager was a sign that read: "We are not collecting talents. We are building teams."

*********
Recently, a visitor made the following comment after observing the remodelled Loma Linda University Church: "You have done a magnificent work here." To which Pastor Roberts replied: "It was the result of teamwork, and it will take a little bit more of team effort to pay off the balance of the debt still unpaid on this project."

Free Mailing List Club!

 

If you would like to be on our SDA Forum Mailing List, please take a minute to sign up today and join hundreds of others who have done already so. It is free, and you will have the choice of unsuscribing at will. We do not share, nor do we sell your E-mail to others.